Not my personal choice, no

I had set three alarms: my cell phone, the ship’s computerized wake-up call, and my untested Windows 2000 event scheduler set to fire up Semper Fidelis march from a midi file. The cell phone won again and in fact was the only alarm that worked unless the wake-up call came very late. I had to get up early because I was supposed to check in with US Airways on board the ship between 6:00 and 6:30 a.m. Last night I had found a final statement tucked into my door and automatically billed to my American Express card. They had also tacked on an automatic dining-room gratuity of $6.50/day per person. With the Personal Choice option it no longer made sense to hand an envelope to your waiter because you had multiple waiters so they simply put it on your bill and divvied it up. I do not like mandatory tips, especially when they are not announced in advance, so I let them know on the questionnaire provided but didn’t dispute it because the amount was only slightly higher than the recommended amount on past cruises.

I got to the place where US Airways was checking people in shortly after six but they told me my flight was too early for shipboard checkin so I should just go to the airport, which I would have done anyway if they hadn’t made it abundantly clear that I was to get up at six and go to this place. I was now up an hour early so I went up to have some yummy smoked mackerel and oatmeal for breakfast. Along came Joan and Marie, who sat down and kept me company until I needed to go pack. The disembarkation instructions say to pack up all your checked luggage and put it outside your cabin the night before, then claim it ashore. I don’t do this because (a) my clothes are in my luggage so how do I get dressed in the morning? and (b) why would I want to go search for my luggage among 10,000 pieces when I could simply wheel it off the ship?

Contrary to what I had been told, the doors did not open until eight, not seven, and they were 15 minutes late so I boogied right over to the taxi line and seven minutes later I was at Ft. Lauderdale airport for $10 including a generous tip, in plenty of time to make my 9:15 flight. I called Hunnybear several times since my cell phone was working again and I checked in at the First Class/Preferred line at US Airways with no problem. There was no club at this airport so I hung out at the gate for a few minutes until they started boarding.

I had seat 1C once again on this sparsely populated 757. We took off on time after a nice preflight drink service and I used the short 90-minute flight to work on Monkeyboy, declining the carboholic breakfast choices but having a cup of black coffee in a real US Airways cup. We landed on time in Charlotte and I headed for the club lounge. I tried to get in with every card in my kit but I didn’t have the right ones so I actually had to use my one and only US Airways Club coupon. I asked the agent if I could have it back when he was done and he said, in that charming Charlotte accent, “You know, y’all’d be surprised at how many people ask me that!” The rest of us could all take politeness lessons from the South.

I continued to have problems with the US Airways phones. In this particular club you had to dial 8, not 9, to get out. That wasn’t much of a problem but the phones in the first two carrels I tried didn’t have working dataports. The third time was the charm though and I was able to download half my mail before it was time to board the flight to LA.

This long flight was on a tiny Airbus 319. I had seat 1D—for some unexplained reason they had moved me across the aisle from my original seat assignment—and my seat opponent was a nice big Jewish kid from an island off South Carolina going to visit his dad in the Valley. We got another nice preflight drink service and took off on time. I was coming to the conclusion that US Airways in-flight service was almost identical to United’s but came off a bit better because they didn’t have very many customers. I was the only Gold in First Class on this popular route and there were no Chairman’s Preferred customers. US Airways frequent flyers are going to be in for a rude shock if the merger goes through when they will no longer be able to upgrade because of the inrush of United elites.

The meal choices on this flight were overdone beef, pasta, and pasta. United usually had one or two more protein choices in addition to the overdone beef. I ordered the beef and ate two bites, recalling Charlie Chaplin’s immortal film Gold Rush in which he eats shoe leather. They didn’t show Gold Rush on this flight but they did show Family Man with Nicholas Cage and Tia Leone, a reverse-George Bailey story in which the Forbes 400 president of a prominent Wall St. mergers-and-acquisitions firm is allowed a Christmas glimpse of what his life would have been like if he had married his college sweetheart and settled down with two screaming kids in Union City, N.J. Let’s just say I was drawn in emotionally but didn’t quite find it believable. If instead of a pathetic wandering loner, It’s a Wonderful Life, had shown Jimmy Stewart making it big as a successful businessman with a New York penthouse, fine dinners, and beautiful girls on call at his whim, the unfavorable contrast with his small-town family life would not have been so apparent, Donna Reed and Zuzu’s petals notwithstanding.

After the movie they screwed up and showed the same short subject they showed eastbound, just like United had done oh-so-many times, so I whipped out Monkeyboy and entertained myself with software until his battery died moments before our descent below 10,000 feet would have required me to put him away. We landed early in LA and my luggage came out quickly so I hopped a friendly cab home to Marina del Rey. It was only three hours until the next adventure.

The end.


------------------
I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com