Seeing John Malkovich
Winter dawn in the Arizona desert broke clean and cold into the big blue sky. Arnie picked us up at the Doubletree Paradise Valley Resort and we checked out at the front desk because we forgot to use the video checkout. Gary joined us for a small breakfast at Leo’s deli nearby. We arrived to find a tourist shooting a videotape of Gary’s yellow Rolls Royce convertible. I yelled out to him, “Hey that’s five bucks for the pictures,” but he pretended he didn’t hear me and scurried off. Hunnybear and I had a nice lox platter with a bialy and Arnie and Gary each had good-looking omelets.
We bid farewell to Gary and then Arnie drove us 20 minutes to the airport. It was a teary goodbye when we realized not only wouldn’t we see Arnie for several weeks, but he had also saved us the cost of a rental car. We wheeled up the escalator to gate A13 for the America West flight to Las Vegas.
There was somewhat of a mob scene at the end of Terminal A because many of the flights, including ours, were delayed. The agents were very nice and put us on the standby lists for both the earlier flight to Vegas and the First Class cabin of our delayed flight but alas neither one of them cleared and they had to take volunteers at $500 a pop to find seats for all the confirmed passengers. Finally our flight boarded an hour late. We had two middle seats in adjacent rows in the 757. Hunnybear sat in front of me, turned around in her seat on her knees, and asked each of our four neighbors as they arrived if they would not be more comfortable in the middle seat. The fourth one relented and offered to let us sit together. I thanked him profusely and assured him good karma would return to him at the craps table. I also confided in him the location of the one machine in Vegas that I always walked away from with $100 or more.
Although we were in economy I had the best seat in the house, the one next to Hunnybear, and the service was smiling. We got bottled water and peanuts. United serves cheap KrapSnax™ instead of peanuts because the allergies but I guess those people don’t fly America West. The flight was under an hour and we practiced video poker using Bob Dancer Presents WinPoker for the short duration. Before we knew it we were on the ground in the greatest city in the world.
The limo driver was waiting for us at the bottom of the escalator to baggage claim so we took the escalator down to Ground Zero and waited while she pulled the old black stretch Lincoln around. As we waited we saw a stunningly gorgeous blonde limo driver wearing a $3500 Donna Karan chauffeur’s uniform and stiletto heels walking toward us. “Who do you have to be to get her to drive you?” Hunnybear and I asked each other. As we climbed into the limo we found out: you have to be John Malkovich, because there he came, wearing a worn brown leather bomber jacket and black beret, following the blonde back to the car.
Our own driver sped us to MGM Grand. I gave her a generous tip and we wheeled into the VIP lounge for checkin. After my prodigious action last trip my host said he’d try to get us a “little nicer” room this time—nicer than the two-room suite on the 27th floor we had then. He came through in spades. For the first time we stayed in the penthouse, in a two-level suite with sunken living room, bar, projection TV, and bedroom loft with the same huge whirlpool tub as last time. An enormous gift basket sat on the coffee table and a bowl of tropical fruit rested on the bar next to a large flower arrangement. The 29th-floor lobby had a 24-hour concierge desk, a food and drink spread, and complimentary newspapers. We wondered if we would ever leave the room.
There was, however, no video poker in the room and Hunnybear had booked a spa treatment so we both went downstairs. My favorite machine was open so I started playing with the modest amount of cash I had brought with me before digging into my credit line. I had played for 90 minutes and was down to $25 when I held the 10, King, and Ace of Hearts and the lovely Jack and Queen popped into view. A Royal Flush—what a great way to start the trip! I gave generous tips to the slot attendant, waitress, and even the housekeeping lady who was always hanging around hoping for some lagniappe when the big one hit.
My host had scored VIP seats to the Bill Gates keynote address tonight as it was in the MGM Grand Arena so I had called Shaun to tell him he and Christine should join us. He showed up a few minutes after I hit the Royal and we made arrangements for tonight. Then I hit another small jackpot and went to play the adjacent machine while I was waiting to be paid and hit a jackpot on that one too! Hunnybear arrived while both machines were flashing jackpot and squealed with delight before I even told her about the Royal.
We invited Shaun and Christine up to the penthouse for drinks and hors d’oeuvres prior to the keynote. The concierge, pronounced “con-see-AIR” by the faux-classy casino workers, had set out a spread of yummy shrimp so we took a bunch back to the suite to munch on. I made myself a Manhattan with Crown Royal and sweet vermouth. There were no Angostura bitters, which I could live with, but there were also no maraschino cherries. “Who’s in charge of the maraschino cherries?” I boomed out. One of the con-see-AIRS asked if I would like some cherries. I picked up the bottle of sweet vermouth and pointed at it. “The only purpose of this sweet vermouth is to make a Manhattan, yet a Manhattan requires a maraschino cherry,” I said. “I want cherries here by the time I get back.” Yes sir! “No, just kidding,” I said. “But it would be nice if we had some at some point, like maybe tomorrow.” She assured me there would be cherries there in short order.
We ate the shrimp and then headed down for the Bill Gates keynote. Our seats were about 20% of the way back, in the front row on the side across from the media VIP seats. Hunnybear and I drifted to the front to see if we knew any of the Microsoft employees there and I saw Microsoft president Steve Ballmer wave at me so I went over and said hi. He was always one of my favorite people at Microsoft, a big, genial, hard-working, enthusiastic and of course smart guy whom Bill met at Harvard. In the early days Bill decided the company needed some management and Steve was managing the Harvard football team so he was the natural choice. I kidded him about having to get my seats through the casino.
Bill gave an incredible talk, laden with technical details and the first public demos of three new Microsoft products. A very appreciative audience sat attentively through the address, which went 45 minutes over its allotted hour. I always find it amazing how people can really believe that Bill is all marketing and no technical brilliance, or that Microsoft never innovated anything, when the contrast with reality is so apparent from even the smallest interaction with Bill. I wished I had bought more stock when it was down to 50.
We had reservations at Mark Miller’s Coyote Grill for 8:30 but by the time we swam through the sea of humanity pouring out of the keynote it was nine. It didn’t matter because they had lost our reservations but they quickly seated us anyway. We had another phenomenal meal although the kitchen was slow tonight. I tried the Muscovy Duck with mole sauce, a superb cut and preparation. Ronnie, the busboy from last time, remembered me and brought plate after plate of the Serrano cornbread mini-muffins. Shaun had a nice-looking glazed chicken while Hunnybear had lamb chops and Kristine ate a Black Angus fillet. We had bottled water but I decided it was exactly the same water as the free filtered tap water so from now on I resolved to get the free water even if it was comped. As a rule I don’t eat dessert so I passed but Shaun had vanilla crepes and Kristine tried the chocolate spoon bread at my suggestion. Dinner came to $168 for the four of us, inexpensive since we didn’t get wine, and I signed it into oblivion while Shaun got the tip.
Meanwhile Tony and the rest of the crew from
www.xdrive.com had arrived and were playing blackjack at Paris. I was too exhausted to join them so we set up a limo to pick them up tomorrow morning and go see the show. When we returned to the room we found a gift box of handmade truffles so we ate just a couple. Hunnybear and I gave up trying to turn off all the lights in the living room and just shut the door and the blinds in the loft and went to sleep.
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