Boarding for UA831 ORD-IAD this morning was a complete cluster. Calling the elites all at once was a mess. No one knew what was going on. The GA mumbled the elite part of the boarding announcement, so everyone -- elite and non-elite -- swarmed the gate in slow motion.

I was a 1P flying in E+, so I dutifully waited to be called. When I figured out that everyone had been called at once, I joined the swarm. Red carpet or genpop lane? No one knew. I was reluctant to tread on the red carpet with a mere E+ seat, but... everyone else was doing it. I asked a service director what I should do. He looked at my BP and directed me to a different line... even though he had just waved through the 2P passenger ahead of me. Made no sense. So I walked past him, and had the GA scan my BP. I asked her if it was always going to be an elite cattle call like this, and she said "sometimes." Huh?

On board, an executive of some sort was watching -- a woman in a business suit, an ORD ID on a lanyard and a UA name tag pinned to her jacket. I was seated too far away to share my opinion.

The flight, on a 752, was set to go out at 0852. It went out at 0914.

I was a big fan of the tiered elite boarding process. I fly frequently alone with Baby Flavorflav -- as I was today -- and the two of us are a bit like a traveling circus. It takes a minute to stand up, get him stood up, put away toys, reading material, get our bags together, etc.

When F is called, we start packing our stuff. When GS/1K is called, we saddle up and start toward the gate. We usually get there just when 1P is called, allowing us to cruise right on board. That's a valuable benefit for me -- standing adjacent to the gate with a 3-year-old and three bags and waiting around for boarding is a huge pain.

All the usual CO vs. UA animus aside, boarding all elites at once in a cattle call makes no sense. Ticks off all the elites. Cheapens the experience.

On my connecting flight ex-IAD, the GA complained to the FA about the changes and all the stuff they want him to read now.