YVR-ORD-DCA (Night of the Newbies)
UA must have just graduated a fresh class of check-in reps, FA’s and, yes, even pilots (or first officers) and I managed to encounter them all on what I will now refer to as “the night of the newbies”!
The Check-In
It all started in YVR at check-in this past Friday. The newbie check-in reps (and there was more than one) had not posted a Premier check-in line at any of the 6 or 7 counters. No problem, there was only one other person in line when I arrived and I got to the counter quickly. The rep. checked me in, tagged my bag, and handed me my boarding passes. There I stood, with two upgrade certificates and my UA travel card in hand. I suppose I could have walked away, but being the honest guy I am, I asked if he wanted the certs. He quickly realized his error, took the certificates, and charged up an additional booklet (another $125 – ouch! I wonder if UA would have caught this!) I also made the simple request of getting a copy of the ticket receipt. Not so simple. The newbie punched various buttons and starred intently at his computer screen. Nothing. After a few minutes of this, he turns to the rep. next to him, another newbie, and asks for help. The other newbie looks at the screen, trys a few things, and declares she is clueless. Newbie #1 runs off to what appeared to be a supervisor and gets instructions. He returns in a minute or two and presents me with not one, but two receipts (too bad he couldn’t have issued an extra upgrade cert.)
I know I’m pushing my luck at this point, but I can’t help noticing that my bag has not been tagged with an orange priority sticker (not that they do any good on UA). I ask newbie and he obliges. I linger in the duty free for a bit, then I’m off to customs (the INSPASS hand scan is quite quick), through security, and make a stop in the men’s room. As I’m preparing to leave the men’s room, who should appear but newbie #1 – pen and charge receipt in hand! And there, on the sink countertop in the men’s restroom of YVR, I sign my receipt for the upgrade certs I had purchased. Others in the men’s room were impressed with UA’s service.
The Take-Off
I board the plane, stow my computer bag, and sit down. What is that smell? Is it me? Is it the guy next to me? Is it lunch? I quickly conclude it is none of the above, but rather something in the plane’s A/C or air intake system. It’s bad. As if a small rodent crawled into the air system and didn’t quite make it out. I look around – god this plane is old! It’s a 727-200. UA always flys them on this route, but this one looks particularly ancient. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that this was one of the 100+ 727s that Delta just unloaded. I look for evidence that DL was here but can’t seem to find one. Maybe UA should ditch the 727s also – at least this one has seen better days.
Comfortably seated in first class, the pilot informs us that the first officer (newbie #2) will be doing the flying into ORD this evening. Nothing unusual about this and I don’t give it a second thought, at least not yet. As we taxi, I open up the local paper and spy an article about a WestJet plane that was hijacked by WestJet personnel from a California airport and flown to Canada. Apparently the plane had just been repaired and WestJet didn’t want to pay the bill! As we move down the runway I notice a WestJet plane parked at a gate. I wonder if it’s the plane that was hijacked. We are moving at a speed that seems rather slow for take-off and don’t lift-off until we are almost out of runway. As we head out over the large body of water (sorry, I have no clue what it’s called) next to the airport, the plane lilts left and I realize we are not climbing. I’m not sure other passengers even notice, but we are cruising no more than 100 ft. or so over the water and going nowhere fast. I’m worried, something is not right. Finally, after a few minutes of this, someone (the pilot I assume or maybe the newbie got smart quickly) boosts the power and we begin to climb normally. This was not fun. At least the smell seems to be going away.
The Dinner
It’s obvious that the FA in first is also new (enter newbie #3). Newbie #3 seems confused about what to do – when to hand the lunch menus out, when to offer drinks, and even when to serve the meal. A more experienced FA, who I have encountered a few times in the past, sets newbie #3 straight. The newbie later spills wine on the tray table of the guy next to me. He wasn’t pleased, but at least none spilled on anyone. Newbie #3 was clearly not told (or forgot) about taking lunch selections in FF status order (i.e. 1Ks, then Prem Exs, etc.) Newbie proceeds in a logical fashion – row one first, row two next, etc. Lucky for me. After hitting only about 50% of my meal choices over the past month, I’ll get what I want this time - I’m in 1A. Tough break for any 1Ks in row 4. I enjoy a wonderful little pasta dish. Nothing fancy, but it tasted good. I soon fall asleep. Yes, what a long strange trip it’s been!