Not possible. Saturday Night Live is occasionally amusing (nowhere near what they were during the Chase/Belushi/Akroyd/etc days, but they do have their moments.)

What the TSA does is useless drama, trying to keep people afraid of the boogeyman so none of the blue-shirted sloths have to try to find another job.

Witness the simple fact that the TSA has not only hired people with records, but has *re-hired* them after uncovering their background.