Modma, as you can see from the above posts, you're definitely not alone. In my teens and 20s, I was a fearless airline passenger, and loved flying on the Dornier 228s and Beech 1900s that I found myself on at least monthly. In my 30s, a string of scary flying experiences made me a very nervous flier for years. I came close to speaking to a therapist, but never got to it. The part of it I never understood was that, like you, it wasn't a fear of dying. In addition, I could never understand why I would be so scared, yet at the same time love planes so much and actually want to get a pilot's license. I am a lot better now, and while I'll still get spooked on some flights, those flights are becoming less and less frequent. The majority of my flights are now enjoyable (OK as long as Delta ACTUALLY remembers to load my vegetarian meal!).
So what has helped?
1. Actually getting the pilot's license. I don't expect you to do so, but knowledge is power, and I learned a lot from it that helped me be a better passenger. There's a lot you can learn without taking flying-lessons. I didn't keep the license for long, as my work and travel schedules made it impractical, but I'm so glad I did it. Fly a 30-knot crosswind landing in a Cessna 172, and you're a lot less worried when the DC9 pilot is doing it. You can appreciate his/her skill a lot more, too! It helped me understand so much more about airplanes and flying, as well as about safety and weather. More about that below.
2. There is a difference between an unsafe ride and an uncomfortable ride. @:-) This was one of the most practical lessons from my flight instructor that helped me as an airline passenger. We were getting absolutely spanked by some summer-afternoon turbulence, and I was getting a little tense at the controls, and he said, "Listen, this is uncomfortable, and you don't have to like it, but it's completely safe." A lightbulb went off, and I use that line a lot when my seatmate is clearly scared as our Airbus or CRJ is getting bounced around. It helps so much to acknowledge that we're uncomfortable, but that has nothing to do with us being safe or not.
3. Weather. It's a hobby, and I love it, and it's knowledge from my flight instruction that I use all the time. Read the textbook "Aviation Weather" by Peter F. Lester, published by Jeppesen. Use the flight to appreciate and identify some of the weather phenomena that you see. Use good weather resources, like
www.aviationweather.gov. Learn how to read a TAF/METAR, and just wander around the website, and look up the turbulence and icing reports. See where to expect it. It's a lot different to get smacked around by turbulence unexpectedly that it is to say "Oh, we're starting to bounce; we must be over Indiana. This will go away once we get over Ohio." Similarly, use the onboard WiFi with FlightAware to see where you are, where you are going to turn, and to get into the rhythm of enjoying aviation-nerdiness. Referring to both FlightAware and aviationweather.gov will also teach you how well our professional pilots assimilate the necessary information and make plans with our safety in mind.
4. Weather and your comfort level. I learned as a private pilot that it's ultimately MY decision whether to fly in the conditions Mother Nature provided that day, and a lot of times, the right decision was not to fly. Our airline pilots make very careful, very well-researched decisions on whether to fly, as well, but don't forget that you, as a passenger, have a choice too. If I'm scheduled to connect in DTW, and there are thunderstorms all over Michigan, then I'll reschedule my flights to connect in MSP. I've also been known to move my flight by a day, in order to avoid weather I am not comfortable in as a passenger or pilot. You're a fellow-Platinum, so it's not too hard to change your flights, too.
5. Sedatives. I prefer the natural/herbal route, so I generally go with valerian root, which gives me good results if I need to take the edge off. Xanax is safe, too, but honestly, the risk of a side-effect from any of that stuff is higher than the risk of something happening with the plane. If you've got to evacuate the plane on the runway, and you're slowed-down because you've got Xanax on-board, I'm not sure how smart that is. Keep in mind, too, what risks the sedative will pose if you have to drive right after landing. I won't even touch valerian root if I have to hop in a rental car and drive.
6. Alternatives. Nearly as effective as the options in #5, above, are (don't laugh):
-a cup of tea. breathe the steam in deeply. sip slowly.
-a glass of wine. just watch the refills if you have to drive.
-deep breathing and/or meditation. anxiety has an awful positive-feedback-loop when you start breathing shallowly/nervously. break it with some deep breathing.
-put your head back and close your eyes for a while, even if not sleeping. breathe deeply and rhythmically.
-stretching, either in your seat or using the bulkhead. If I do stand up and stretch, I always ask the FA if it's OK to do so for a few minutes. This eliminates any suspicion about "crowding the galley" and gives them the opportunity to say something if they prefer us to be seated so they can let a pilot use the loo.
7. Communication. As I mentioned above, I never went to a therapist, though I came close. Instead, a flight that spooked the heck out of me led me to have a long, open conversation with my partner about my fears of flying, and he really helped me figure out a lot of it. The people who know you best can be very helpful here. I'd say I was probably about 50% better after that conversation alone. Occasionally, if I'm having a particularly nervous flight (and now I try to be introspective and decide where I am on a scale of 1 to 5, and acknowledge if I'm a nervous that day), if I've managed to chat up the FA, I'll mention to him/her that for some reason, I'm a nervous flier today. They've heard it a million times before and can be genuinely helpful.
8. Lending a helping hand. My least-nervous flights are the ones in which I'm reassuring a nervous seatmate that everything's fine, and explaining what is going on and what all those bumps and noises are. I learned that lesson when, at the height of my nervous-flying, I had to care for a sick passenger aboard the plane (I'm a surgeon), and flipped into doctor-mode, learned how much stuff is actually inside that first-aid kit (I swear I could do a facelift with what's in that bag), interacted professionally with the FAs, Medlink and one of the pilots, and did my job all the way to landing, not realizing until afterward that we flew through 2 lines of thunderstorms while all that was going on! Once my mind was on something more important, I let go of the flight-anxiety and let the pilots do their jobs, while I did mine.
9. Be positive.
Find something about the flight that you like, no matter how silly. "Wow, that FA is super-nice." "These new CRJ-900s are really cool" "This glass of wine with SunChips really hits the spot!" Rest your head back, think about whatever little thing you are enjoying at the moment, and smile for a few seconds (and take some deep breaths, don't forget). It really helps the fear melt away.
These are just some off-the-cuff remarks, and I'm sure many fellow-FlyerTalkers will have more intelligent comments than me. We Plats are FAR from the most seasoned fliers on here!
