I hate to bring this back on topic after a very entertaining tangent, but I can confirm that the shop at the Sofitel (landside) is selling a whole range of Royal Wedding memorabilia including mugs, tea towels and laser etched glass blobs. All suitably tacky.
It's a shame there isn't a Carphone Warehouse at T5, otherwise you'd be able to pick up one of these:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technolog...ile-phone.html