It must be me. I have never, ever had a single u/g from Emirates. In fact I am thinking of starting a "Never Been Upgraded" club/thread on FT
On the plus side, the purser always comes and gives me that ghastly "nice to see you again" speech. Usually prefaced by 30 seconds of awkward hovering, rifling up and down the printed passenger manifest, "oh yeah, 11J, here's another one" etc.

If they're going to bother, does it have to be so utterly fake and cringeworthy?