OP's problem aside the only thing the current system (trumping by status) needs is the introduction of a little randomness. Get four bowels, one for each status level. Cut up the menu requests into 'tickets'. Put each ticket into its respective bowel. Shake. Draw the GS's from their bowel, fill their request, mark off their request from the manifest of dinners. Continue with each bowel/level downward in status. When a first choice is not available, the second is used and similarly the third.

Now you it doesn't matter where you sit in the plane, you will always have the same chance at your first pick as all the others at your status level.

I know no FA is going to take/has the time to do this but if United (and the other airlines) IS ever came up to speed this whole procedure would be performed on an iPad. I could even log into my trip and place my pre-board drink order, meal order, snacks, .... while I was waiting to board my flight. And if you couldn't or wouldn't it would just be a few less things the FA would have to do.