"He'd love to set the record straight and tell his side of the story, but policy prevents him from making a comeback..."
He, he, hehe...
did he just imply
"
SSI"?
Oooh Goody!!!
Secret
Squirrel
Inanity!!!
Seriously, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" sounds so inane coming from these wannabe mall-cop rejects.