Skymiles is the name of their program, but you don't automatically get upgrades and access to all those benefits for simply spending 5 min filling out a form on their website. As it is clearly stated on the website you have to fly specific amounts to qualify, for example you mentioned skyclub access is ONLY given to the highest tier, diamond, not everyone. Upgrades are given based on availability once you hit the lowest tier, silver. Also miles are totally different then MQMs which are what determine your status, getting miles for shopping does NOT count twoards status. Spending enough to get 30,000 miles means u can redeem those miles for a ticket but you haven't moved up in status at all

In summery, read the info before you make a huge rant which only showed that you have no clue what you are talking about.

On a side note I havent laughed this hard at a post in a long time