In my opinion, Phuket clearly wins. I had been to Pattaya several times over the years before I bought a condo in Phuket a couple of years ago. Pattaya has more money-boy clubs, massage places, and bars if that's what you're seeking; but the beaches aren't nice at all.

While the Patong beach can be crowded, it's 100 times better than the Pattaya beaches. The Paradise complex in Phuket has two gay discos, several gay pubs, and four bars where boys are dancing in their underwear and you can "take them off" if you'd like. There should be enough of a choice if that's something which interests you. Rent a scooter for about $7 per day and you can get to some beautiful beaches in Phuket.

While Phuket is a flight instead of a drive from Bangkok, it's well worth it in my opinion. Air Asia sometimes has some cheap fares.