Elite cards / BPs don't normally get you access to fast-track lanes in Europe. Assuming you have access and then getting PO'd that you don't get it isn't CO's fault. I think at LHR you're actually handed an invitation upon arrival. *Gold might get you access in places. I know you're referring to the security line, but as previously pointed out, those are not manned by CO employees. 1) Did you really have access to it? 2) If you did, get mad at the non-CO employees who weren't doing their job correctly.

You should have been able to get an ELR seat before even getting to the gate by several means (OLCI, phone, departures hall). If I really want one (and I don't already have one), I'm checking into into it 24 hours out, not half way through coach boarding.

Saying it took 30 minutes for 3 guys to find a stamp in your passport suggests to me that there's a bit of exaggeration/misinformation with part or whole of your story.

Your wish is granted. UA it is.