So I arrive at security theater this morning, and as I approach, I notice that all the pornoscopes are in use, so I choose the shortest lane. But alas, the lane to the right of me is NOT using the pornoscope...it is roped off! and suddenly the line there has gotten shorter. SCORE! Or so I thought...I switched lanes (I had just walked up and hadn't started undressing yet or even touched my bag). Go through the WTMD, and the a...agent working the WTMD says, "step aside here", and I say, "Why?" "Just stand right here". Again, I say, "What for?" Wait for it...She says "The machine randomly chose you for a pat-down." The machine chose me? Okay! What the eff. I think she saw me change lanes and picked me. So I get out of using the scanner, but I STILL have to be groped. And funny enough (or NOT), the chosen groper was the same woman that last week gave me the zip-a-dee-do-dah. She had a look of horror on her face when she recognized me. I said, "Yep, me again. They have to pick one of the most frequent travelers in this God-forsaken airport to continually harass. Really catchin' the bad guys!" I made the experience hell for her in every way I could. You all would be proud.

Lesson: Carefully scrutinize the security theater before you enter to determine which lanes are NOT using the pornoscan before you choose a lane. You cannot change lanes.