I keep debating how I will respond. I would want my response to cause as much psychological stress as possible for the screener - I want it to be equal or exceed the stress they're causing me.

My favorite idea so far is to express sexual arousal during the pat down and politely inform the "officer" *cough* that I will be fantasizing about him later while having super freaky mansex. Of course, this will be the method of choice if the gaydar suggests that the screener is straight (the straighter the better).