Forget about the Irish route. That's a recipe for endless complications and a high likelihood of finding yourself banned from entry into the UK for a long period. There are no border controls between Ireland and the UK (other than spot checks). Your visa will not be activated and therefore you will be in the UK illegally.

If you are a visa national and want to enter the UK legally, there is really no alternative to entering the UK via a point with immigration facilities. If your visa is one that allows you to join your wife, then you cannot enter without her being here.

Frankly, in your situation, you would really need specialist professional advice rather than advice from random persons on a website.