OK....so the conclusion is dont fly on my own and dont enter the UK from Ireland as I wont have the appropriate stamp in my passport.
How about this:
I fly to Ireland, cross on the ferry ( there should be some form of border control) then if asked where my wife is say she is coming in a week but I have to start work now(show them the booked ticket) if they still refuse entry I sit right there and wait while she gets on a plane(which her doctor doesn't recommend) and wait for her to enter and then enter after her.

The reason for entering via Ireland is because everybody tells me they are not that full of nonsense. I do not want to sneak in, just pass through a not so crappy border control.