Originally Posted by
andymo99
Here is a report from the battlefield...
I flew out of BOS Terminal A this past Monday morning. As per usual, I refused the nude x-ray machine. I do so not because of privacy or health concerns, but because the nude machines require that you don't see your carryon bags for too long a time for my comfort.
I've gone through the "opt out" patdown many times before. When I went through on Monday, I had
not heard any news of the "enhanced" patdown. In fact, the first I learned of it was tonight.
That said, the patdown that I endured on Monday was so drastically different from all the prior ones that I took a comment card and filled it out (returning it when I got back to BOS Terminal A yesterday). My comments on the card roughly went like this:
As per usual, I refused to use the expensive "nude-o-meter" machine today, because doing so requires my carryon bags to be out of my sight for too long a time for my comfort. I am used to the "opt out" patdown, but today's experience was far different from the one that I experience roughly once per week. I am not sure if the protocol has changed from prior weeks, but my patdown today by Mr. Beverly featured a full-on cupping of the testes. In my future patdowns, should I expect a cupping of the testes to be part of the routine, or was this just Mr. Beverly's creative interpretation of the protocol? Please let me know so that I can manage my expectations.
Above is not verbatim, as I turned in my card yesterday with no idea that this discussion existed. However, I can say with certainty that "cupping of testes" appeared as written.
I have not received a reply yet, but I gave my email and phone number and made clear that one was expected.
Now that I read this, I will be much better prepared for the patdown. I am going to insist that the Officer explicitly acknowledge that he will be touching my twig and berries before he proceeds.
***Further interesting thought: It might be really fun and interesting to stimulate oneself to a markedly aroused state (in the bathroom) immediately before going through the screening. Once adequately excited, shove all the junk back in there and then see what the TSO finds when he does his
thorough search.***
I'm flying out of BOS tomorrow (Earl permitting), but from Terminal E. Not sure if they have the nude machines. If so, could be interesting.
Here is a battlefield update from BOS Terminal E, which is mostly international flights:
I am flying with my wife. We entered a line and were indeed pointed to the nudie screeners. My wife was lined up to go through when I reminded her that she might want to see what I explained to her from earlier in the week. She was tempted to switch but just went through the nudie thing instead.
I stepped up and had my usual maddening conversation with the TSA agent.
Agent: Go ahead through sir.
Andymo99: I can't raise my hands above my head.
Agent: [Quizzical look]
Andymo99: That's a lie, but I'm not going through.
Agent: Sir, you have to...
Andymo99: I opt out.
Agent: Oh, ok. Step aside and wait for the...
[Funny how I always have to use the magic words "opt out."]
So I went for my patdown with my wife watching on from ~15 feet away, amused that she'd get to see my promised antics when the groping ensued.
The agent did the patdown, and
it was old-school! I didn't get so much us a tug or a rub or an incidental brush! I felt so humiliated! Was I not hot enough for the guy?!
So when it ended, I said to him incredulously, "Is that it!?" He affirmed that it was, and so I exclaimed to my wife in a loud voice for all to hear, with all the faux enthusiasm I could muster, "He didn't cup my balls like the guy ealrier this week!"
A few people (including several agents) stopped in their tracks and were a bit speechless. By way of explanation, I turned to my agent and with continued incredulousness in my voice said (still loud enough for others to hear), "Over at Terminal A, the agent cupped my balls earlier this week. This was very different."
The agent then explained, "Oh, we don't do that over here."
I said, "Oh, are there different protocols from Terminal A vs. Terminal E."
He said, "Yes. We haven't rolled that out yet."
I said, "Weird... what with the international flights coming in/out of this terminal, I'd think we'd get the full monty here first..."
And that was the end of it. As I gathered my belongings, another agent (a woman) walked past me and muttered under her breath "awesome language." Too bad she didn't have the balls to say it to my face. Regretfully, I let her comment past w/o response.
Will be out of country for several weeks, so no more reports 'til end of month. Until then...