On the most recent episode of TNT’s Leverage, the show evolved around a con called the “fiddle game”. This con game plays to the victim’s sense of greed by creating the illusion that an object, the “fiddle” – likely worthless in its own right -- has exceptional value, and that the designated victim will be willing to pay dearly to have it. This con reminded me of the pursuit of airline status, where the reward itself (status) has no real value, but it elicits enormous efforts from people who will go to great lengths to get it. As testament to this, read the plight of Global Service hopefuls down below.

The things we’ll do, and the lengths we’ll go to, to be rewarded with the opportunity to walk into the aluminum tube (soon to be composite if Boeing can get their act together on the 787) a few minutes earlier than others, and perhaps (if you are one of the lucky chosen few) move up a class in service. How clever of the airlines to have created such a program. It seems to me, though, that to keep this fiddle game fresh two opposing forces need to be fueled: new “more valuable” status needs to be accompanied by the perception of declining value of current status.

As the overseeing exec I'd want the worth of current status and mileage accumulations to decline each year in non-uniform increments – not enough to force people out, but enough to give flyers a sense that the water is running out of the tub. With some years worse than others, it will keep everyone on edge wondering. In any event, tomorrow can only be as good as today, NEVER better, and usually worse. The P1 that I coveted years ago is about worthless given the glut of 1K and GS folk flying, and the new policy of automatic upgrades: you guessed it: “ofer” on a consistent basis. That’s what I call smart. Last year with 500 mile upgrades I was in F on most flights.

At some point the two-for-one EQM promotion needs to be augmented with a three-for-one (and ultimately an n-for-one promotion for you MIT types). At its optimum think something like a Feb. 29th 10-for-one EQM. 1K for DEN-DXB. Once every four years. Mr. Enberg would say, “oh my”!

In the spirit of “to the victors go the spoils” there need to be a little more differentiation at the highest levels. Those who fall on the UAL-friendly side of the Pareto principle could stand a little more differentiation. There’s nothing like seeing your buddy at a slightly higher status level to have you begging to pay for full-fare F. And nothing would be better than slightly degrading titles for those who really didn’t make the level, but for the special promotion. Maybe an “Almost Whatever” status.

Lifetime mileage will have to come into play at some point, if for no other reason but to exclude the commoners from attaining the status of veterans, with logarithmic spacing: 100k, 1M, 10M, 100M, 1B. I’m working on P1 – 1M, and this trumps all you P1 – 100ks. And I like the idea of posthumous value, and passing your status down to your children – for a small, one time fee of course. I have others, but none better than the next.

It’s almost time for the level that’s so coveted, it doesn’t have a name. For you old dogs and doggettes, it’s the White Album of airline status for those selected few (and I mean count them on both hands few) who are whispered about on blogs. There needs to be a way to attain this almighty-like status with one truly unbelievable benefit: bypassing all security. Yes, your own special doorway into the airport and onto the plane.

Now that I think about it, I used to park outside the concourse at the old Stapleton Airport in Denver, walk up the stairs, and go directly onto the plane. And this, my frequent flyers, is how the fiddle game is played.

Happy status flying.