VegasCableGuy

I finally got routed to an imager at BOS the other day. It was an off-peak hour with 15 people in front of me - 10 waiting for the doc checker and 5 queued at the imager. All other security lanes were closed. They were moving about one person per minute so it took a while to get to the xray feeder.

The people waiting at the imager all had their stuff already scanned and sitting unattended on the far side of xray. The belts couldn't move because the tables were completely full. I asked if I could skip the imager, and the TSO got somewhat aggravated. "What would you want to do that for? You know that's just going to be slower. Why would you want to do that?" He wasn't pleased.

He closed the security lane behind me and told me "Don't move, you need to be watched". There was plenty of talking on the radio, yelling ("He's an opt-out! OPT-OUT!") and then more waiting. It took a few minutes for the people in front of me to clear out as some needed to be searched after the imaging for whatever reason. When it was clear, he walked me through the machine and had me stand on the other side for the pat down. Another TSO massaged me, and three more watched at arms length away. I had to place my wallet in a cup & try to keep in eye on that and my bag on the xray table at the same time.

The patdown TSO massaged my arms and legs pretty well, lightly touched my back and chest and skipped the jewels. I could have had a brick taped between my legs and it wouldn't have been touched. He stopped twice to explain that he was only using the back of his hand to touch my 'sensitive areas' (which were apparently my butt & chest) and offered a private screening both times.

Observations:

The TSO to passenger ratio was almost 1/1, but they still were only able to move one person per minute. It's no wonder I was always routed around these things during busy hours. Effiency level of zero.

There was a lot of yelling -- empty out all your pockets, put away your travel documents, take off your belt, OPT-OUT! OPT OUT!, etc. Boot camp was more enjoyable and a bit more professional.

Everyone had separation anxiety since their xrayed carry-ons sat unattended for several minutes until they were through the imager. Lots of bobbing heads trying to keep eyes on their stuff.

I was pretty embarrassed and upset when I realized that my "opt-out" caused the closure of the only security lane until the ordeal was over. Things were already quite slow and I'm sure the people behind me were wondering how some jackass managed to make it worse.

And what's the deal with all pockets emptied? If I were to go through the scanner, I wouldn't be putting my wallet in the bin with my toiletries only to find it gone 5 minutes later, and I wouldn't want to give it to a TSO to hold while I'm in the machine. Regardless of the unwarranted strip search, I wouldn't go through the scanner for this reason alone. The operator of the imager can see a wallet clearly and knows exactly what it is. I don't see how that can be some "unresolved item". Even keys and loose change can be clearly recognized.

Anyway: Former homeland security secretary Michael Chertoff spent years promoting fear and hyping the necessity of body imagers, then turned around and began selling them to his old agency buddies while collecting millions in stimulus money. You don't have to be a tinfoil hat crackpot to see what's happening there. This is not security, it's cronyism.

You know what makes me feel secure? Knowing the cockpit door is finally locked, and that the passengers around me will jump up and kick the snot out of anyone trying to pull something.