I am often suprised at the harshness of some poster's opinions on these matters. Surely most would not consider updating a ticket to the pax now legal name to be a "change"- it is the same pax, flying the same itinerary on the same date. I think most would imagine a change to be a change of flight, destination or date.
So, yes-- I think AA was stupid to alienate a customer over this and it isn't unreasonable for the op to be annoyed.