Moi the BBC? Maybe HIDDY should pay a licence fee or we'll send the vans round!

Let me share with you the problems with TFTGs. I have many tales that I could tell you but this is a family Forum and a US based one at that. Certain things are far too lavatorial, concern people of various religions or races or both and I simply cannot relate them here. They would be deemed racist, anti-whatever by someone who sees such things in everything.

Often I have to airbrush the story to keep the tale but have to tone down because the language gets quite blue in some of them.

In the past 3 months I have had people walking around on all fours playing Puppydogs (going Bowsy Wowsy, Wuffity Puffity (in CW)), someone who came on board with an Emu puppet (remember that?), one fat demented Queen like RuPaul meets the Michelin Man (I actually wondered if Divine had risen from the grave), dressed in a red sequined jump suit and it was abundently clear that he had a G-string underneath and a military style airline Captain's hat. The Blue Angel crossed with Spiderman' s Sunday Best someone who had - for reasons best known to themselves put their phone in their underpants and the alarm or something went off. I will not bore you with how he managed to stop it. It played Poker Face. (I am not making this up. ) Someone whose wig fell off in flight whilst they were asleep and the child behind woke up and found this on his lap (No I have no clue how this happened) and nearly screamed the cabin down. The kid threw it away and a full blown rucus broke out. The Child's Father referred to the wig wearer (Male) as Baldilocks.

Then when you have collected this parade of lunatics all I have to do is type. If one of you wishes to come to Palazzo Pucci and offer to be my secretary we will have lots more TFTGs and my nails will improve and HI will have regular meals.

All of this was OT I think. Maybe I'll just write a book.