I heard a great announcement on Horizon Air last November, flying Calgary-Seattle on a F28. I wrote it down at the time, as it was so funny, and now take great pleasure in publishing it here!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Horizon Air. If you'll all put your papers down for a few minutes, we'll have a little chat about a few things that might just save your life. Oh, no one paying any attention? Well, my colleague will just strip and then we'll continue. Ah, now you're all listening!
There are four exits on this plane. Two at the front and two over the wing. There's one at the rear in the tail, but we wont let you touch that one. To fasten your seatbelt, insert the metal fitting into the buckle. You release it just like every other airplane seatbelt you've ever seen. It is an FAA regulation to comply with instructional signs and crewmember instructions. If we tell you not to open the door, it's normally because we're at 31,000 feet. you may smoke on Horizon Air, but only outside. Please close the door behind you. There are two lavatories on this plane. They are at the rear of the airplane. The rear is at the back. The front is where the two guys driving sit. If you see them, you're not in the toilet.
Now ladies and gentlemen, we ask you to sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. Thanks for choosing Horizon Air."

...well, I thought it was funny!