! Thank you for contacting united.com support. Please enjoy a small snippet of Rhapsody in Blue for the next 87 minutes before we connect you with someone who has the following qualifications:

• A minimal grasp of the English language
• No knowledge of US geography and will suggest that Dulles is an acceptable alternate to Dallas
• Has no ability to deviate from a flow-chart. If your request goes beyond the bounds of the flow-chart you will receive a response of "Is. Not. Possible."

! Thank you for calling United.com customer support. Your call is an inconvenience to us. Please reconsider continuing to hold.

! RAR !