As a woman, I would say to your wife that she has to figure out a way to earn points and miles. Perhaps she can get a job with business travel to collect points, or just one that earns a whole lot more so she can pay directly for J/5* travel! But I know that won't help you very much to point that out to her.

It sounds like if you go along with this, you will just have to make your vacation travel a much rarer and briefer occurrence. Perhaps you'll be able to take 1/4 as many trips as you would at a Y/3* level, but that's a choice a lot of people make and prefer.