Originally Posted by
AngryMiller
True, but I'd never want to ball up my fists and stomp new one on the WBI viewer. FYI, there were more than a few "what do you think you're doing" moments when I got the grope by TSOs and yes they responded with the 'do you want to fly today' threat. Not professional on their part to reach down the front of my jeans either, but that happened as well.
Here's the best way I've found to deal with pat-down searches. The trick is to leverage the TSA guy's own insecurities in order to wind them up as tightly as possible, thus paying them back for performing these unAmerican searches to begin with.
Before anything starts, request the groper to change his gloves. He will do so, albeit begrudgingly.
The pat down always begins with the groper's spiel about how and where he's going to touch you and making sure that's OK with you. This is your que to say,
So long as there is nothing sexual involved, then ok.
You are saying this in the knowledge that the groper is most likely a heterosexual with a deep-seated, high school lockerroom-like fear of being labeled 'queer'. He will visibly flinch at your saying this. One of two things will then happen. He will either involuntarily blurt-out, "I'm not gay"; or he will say nothing.
-If he says "I'm not gay" or something along those lines, this is your que to talk about how it doesn't matter to you, that certain types are attracted to certain jobs, and how it is common knowledge that most TSA screeners are gay, and how you don't care at all because we're all the same no matter who we fall in love with.
-If he says nothing, talk about how much you love your wife/girlfriend and how you're 'just not that way', that you have lots of gay friends and you respect their lifestyle and they respect yours, and how it is common knowledge that most TSA screeners are gay, and how you don't care at all because we're all the same no matter who we fall in love with.
I cannot stress how important it is to keep a straight face while you're saying all of this. You need to appear to be sincere. Otherwise it just won't be as effective.
Half the time the groper will get so angry that he'll call over his supervisor, something you tell him you wholeheartedly approve of to make sure there is no 'funny business' when he's touching you.
After all is said and done, you'll have seriously ruined a TSA groper's day and you'll feel less gross about being felt up in the name of security theater.