And it’s completely without logic. They’ll take away a gun but let you keep a knife. Well, what the **** is that? In fact, there’s a whole list of lethal objects they allow you to take on board. Theoretically, you could take a knife, an icepick, a hatchet, a straight razor, a pair of scissors, a chain saw, six knitting needles, and a broken whiskey bottle, and the only thing they would say to you is, “That bag has to fit all the way under the seat in front of you.”

And if you didn’t take a weapon on board, relax. After you’ve been flying about an hour, they’re gonna bring you a knife and fork! They actually give you a ****ing knife. It’s only a table knife, but you could kill a pilot with a table knife. It might take a couple of minutes. Especially if he’s hefty. But you could get the job done. If you really wanted to kill the prick.

****, there are a lot of things you could use to kill a guy. You could probably beat a guy to death with the Sunday New York Times, couldn’t you? Suppose you just have really big hands? Couldn’t you strangle a flight attendant? ****, you could probably strangle two of them, one with each hand. That is, if you were lucky enough to catch ‘em in that little kitchen area. Just before they break out the ****in’ peanuts. But you could get the job done. If you really cared enough.