I'm also confused by the issue of a 4 year old lens that can't be used on a D300? What lenses are you talking about here and what are the issues? A D300 should have no problem with older lenses.

Your wish list basically can't be met by anything that is currently available.

If you want a do it all zoom I really like the Tamron 18-270 VC. I like it better than the Nikon 18-200 VRII. But it is not a constant aperture or especially fast.