I have told this before - but years ago.

I know that we have a window in the F toilets on our 747 fleet but this was even further back on the 707 (late model and I was very very young!!) that BCAL flew.

We had the most dreadful man on board. We were travelling to Lagos and this "gentleman" was simply simply obnoxious. The Chief Purser got the measure of him quickly and instantly called him a Model for a Condom. In those days we were demure little things and what the Chief Purser said was gosple. Anyhow, this man nearly drove us mad. He was kicking off for all and everything. I had a dressing down because we did not have his precise brand of whisky aboard (I forget which - Johnny Walker Black Label comes to mind).

Anyhow we did not have it - and I scoured the aircraft (we used to carry so many more brands of everything in those days). Anyhow he let me know in no uncertain terms how useless BCAL was in general and how useless I was in particular when I offered him a choice of what we did have.

Anyhow my colleague up the front had as bad a time as me. He was arrogance personifed and rude beyond belief. I need to add that he had some employees/colleagues/serfv

He went to the lavatory.

He came back out of the lavatory and my colleague happened to be passing by and she saw that he had actually stuck a piece of toilet paper over the window!! At 37,000 ft.

He caught sight of her face and realised what she had seen.

"What you laughing about. I am a very modest man and what goes on in there is my business and even my wife does not see me in such a place"

" I see, Sir" replied my colleague" who had by now decided that even if this meant that she would be cleaning floors for the rest of her working life it would be preferable to dealing with the likes of him " Fly can she? What on a broomstick amd as fast as a 707? Afraid that she would come gawping through the window? I quite understand.

Now Sir, I suggest that you go and sit down, and keep a very very civil tongue in your cheek or I will make sure that a PA is made and I will tell everyone on this aircraft what you just did and said. That is a promise."

He huffed and puffed and then saw the Chief Purser spot the toilet paper over the window and roar with laughter. He flew back pulled it out and stormed back to his seat.

He never uttered another word.


Apart from that - I did part see a lady in Chicago waiting for a flight to Detroit (really long haul) start screaming and shouting over an upgrade to which she clearly believed herself entitled. Her friend had got one and she was a no-status (the friend). She (and this I did not see) finally worked herself into heart seizure and ended up on the floor with full paramedic attendance. I did ask whether the friend statyed with her in the circumstances and was told that not as far as the gate staff were aware.

What is it about flying that brings these lunatics out? You never hear of this sort of nonsense on trains or buses for heavens sake.