A few more:

On Southwest Airlines, just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City; one of the most bone jarring ever experienced. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,"That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airlines fault, it wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the flight attendants fault..... it was the asphalt!"

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." Of course, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no M'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate our seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened
while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Finally, one that actually happened to me: On a Gulf Air flight from Key West to Miami (a plane w/about 15 seats)first thing in the morning. During landing, the plane hit the runway, bounced up and hit the runway again about 200 yards (4 or 5 seconds) later and bounced again (for another 3 or four seconds), came back down hard and stayed on the runway this time. At the gate, the pilot came out of the cockpit (from behind the curtain) and said "Listen folks, that was a pretty bad landing. You see, my co-pilot up here is pretty new and hasn't quite mastered the landing part yet. The good news is that your flight is over. The bad news is that I have five more flights with him today. So as you exit the aircraft, do me a BIG favor and give the guy some words of encouragement instead of the nasty glare he deserves!"