Dear 1-B,

First, I just want to assure you that I noticed you. How could I miss it, the way you started shouting into your cell phone about all your clients as soon as we boarded? And while my first thought was that you'd be on a private jet if you were as important as you wanted us to think you were, I'll just work under the assumption that the Gulfstream was in the shop.

But seriously, the howls and cackles of laughter at the IFE was just too much. I'm pretty sure the exit row passengers could hear you. Look, no airline has ever shown a movie that funny. We're not exactly showing real films here. And those Seinfeld episodes? Yeah, we get it. Her name is Dolores. It was funny the first time, not the 17th. So while I feel privileged that you shared your joy with everyone, perhaps you could turn the volume from a 10 to about a 3.

Thanks for listening.

Mike