Thanks, everyone, for the information. I didn't get the answer I wanted, but that's an issue I'll have to take up with WMATA when I get into the city.

I did want to specifically thank Annandaler for his kindness. He PMed me offering to buy me a Smartrip card during his commute and to mail it to me before my trip. As cliché as it sounds, it renewed my faith in the kindness of people (and FTers, in particular.)