Back on-topic, I hope....

South Security at 9am this morning was kind of OK - if you were in the slow-track lanes, which were heading through within just under 10 minutes.

Single lane of Fast-Track was queuing back to just inside the BP-checking screen, so just lulling you into a false sense of security and certainly taking significantly longer.

Despite this, without needing stopwatches or any kind of modern equipment to measure queue length or speed through the scanner, there was still only one Fast Track scanner open.

Cue the slightly undignified sight of premium passengers and BA elites having to duck under the barriers in order to join the "slow track" queues, me included.. What did amaze me was the number of people who resolutely stayed in the Fast Track line even though it was obviously taking far longer.

So I dutifully went to the hole in the wall where the BAA Security Manager lives by the end of the Fast Track to (very politely) express my disappointment. Once we had completed our conversation

(him) - "It's BA's fault, they won't pay for more Fast Track Scanners to be Open",

(me) - "Well, all of your scanners are open anyway, why don't you just reassign a second scanner to Fast Track which might at least even out the queues?"

(him) - "Sorry Sir, I do get loads of complaints about this, I know the management are trying to sort it out etc... etc.. It would make my life much easier if it could be sorted out etc...."

Just then the guy who had been in front of me in the Fast Track queue came through the scanner - looked bemused and asked how I managed to get through before him.... how we (nearly) laughed...