Might want to wait until the Swine Flu "crisis" is over for this one

:
SPOT: "How are you today?"
Me: *Hacking cough, hand on mouth*
SPOT: "Where are you headed to today?"
Me: *Hacking cough, uncovered mouth 'cause I'm digging frantically in pocket.*
Bonus round:
SPOT: "Do you mind answering a few questions?"
Me: *Pulls blood-stained hankerchief from pocket, continues coughing*
Seriously, mess with me after SYD-LAX and I don't have to fake the first round.