I am demanding compensation, for distress and pain and suffering for this morning's flight.

I was originally booked in (B)F on a 777 and the flight was downgauged to a 753. I was reassigned from the optimal seat I had pre-selected, to the worst seat in the 753 cabin. I specifically booked this flight so I could sleep.

Then, to make matters worse, my first meal choice was gone by the time the FA got back to me and I don't eat/drink milk so I had to pass on the cereal. Therefore I went hungry on the flight, when I was fully expecting a full meal service.

And then, wait, it gets worse, the guy sitting next to me lives in MEX and was returning home. CO EXPOSED ME TO THE H1N1 strain of influenza. THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME. I'm writing good bye letters to my friends and family as we speak.

I hereby request... no... DEMAND the following of CO:

• 300% of my ticket refunded
• A zillion miles
• An aircraft named after me (and NOT an RJ)
• A "book the cook" option for me for here-on out so I always have my preferred meal choice (egg of dodo)
• I get to personally burn all of CO's copies of "Everyone Hates Chris" (it'll be a big fire)

If I do not receive this fair and just compensation, for CO not allowing me to sleep, not feeding me, and exposing me to my death, then I will convene a special session of Canadian parliament. I will not only own CAL by the time I'm done, but the 40,000 professional men and women. Since LK eats so well, on my revenue, he's going to be my personal bag boy.











indeed.