Add the following if going through LHR

remove belt
remove coat
remove jacket/fleece/other clothes
remove hat

machine beeps

stand with your arms out being felt up
have electric wand waved at you
get told your braces/cufflinks/collar stiffeners should have been removed

ask security agent whether he regrets not passing his exams at school
get dogs abuse

go to supervisor to make complaint
discover there are no complaint cards

repeat often.