US Airways, it’s not just for passengers anymore.

Pigs do fly.

The other day I read the USA Today account of US Airways letting a pig on the plane. The passenger claimed it was a 13 pound "service animal" and got a letter of doctors approval to prove their case.

When the pig and the passengers arrived it was a 250 pound pig -- and it was slated to sit in the first class sty, er I mean cabin. Seems the US Airways "management" looked at the letter from the doctor, and let the pig board the plane. Hello!

Can you hear that boarding announcement? "Ladies and gentlemen welcome to us airways flight #107 to Seattle. We will pre-board anyone needing special assistance, or anyone traveling with a large pig. Uh, if you paid $2,200 for your coach ticket, and you are in our elite Chairman’s Preferred program, you board second -- pigs first." (Turns out the pig could have boarded first anyway because he was under two years old -- and qualified as a "small child.")

How did anyone in their right mind let the pig on board?

I fly US Airways more than 100,000 miles a year. I always take two bags on board, my computer case and my seminar presentation materials. If I try to bring an extra plastic bag with chips and a few candy bars, they REFUSE to let me board, citing "FAA regulations."

You’ve heard the age old argument, "Who is smarter a horse or a pig?" Well, they’ve now changed it to, "Who is smarter a pig or an airline employee?" It seems the pig is making a good case. Not only did the pig get on the plane -- the pig got upgraded to first class!

The whole premise of the pig getting on board is that it was classified as a "service" animal (like a seeing-eye dog) -- but I think it was a "customer service" animal, trying to show up the regular US Airways employees for manners, friendliness and snorting.

So, now there’s a seeing-eye pig on a plane flying from Philadelphia to Seattle. Five hours. Where does the animal relieve him (or her) self? Turns out, on the floor. But let’s not ruin any of the surprises. Here’s the flight chronology for your service logic and managerial enjoyment.:
o The pig is seated in front of seats 1A and 1C -- with it’s rump sticking into the aisle.
o The pig is insulted not being offered a pre-flight cocktail.
o The pig paid no attention to the flight safety announcements.
o The pig is given the menu for in-flight dining. The pig eats the menu.
o The pig REFUSES the in-flight meal and is heard muttering; "I’m not gonna eat that slop, pigs have standards you know."
o The pig is outraged when he discovers the meal contains bacon.
o The pig gets into his first argument insisting on watching re-runs of Green Acres.
o The pig has to "use the facilities" and mistakes the aisle for the bathroom, and relieves himself as he wallows around the cabin. Flight attendants immediately complain to their union that the airline has not equipped them with pooper-scoopers and secretly plan a work slowdown. (Don’t worry -- when airline employees "slow down" no one can tell.)
o The flight attendants become increasingly frustrated that the pig is smelling worse than the airplane bathrooms, and demand that the pig fit under the seat in front of the passenger -- but the joke’s on them, because they’re in the bulkhead and this means the pig would have to go in the overhead cabin, and you know how slippery those 250 pound devils are.
o Finally the crew has had it, and confronts the pigs owners about the rudeness and ill manners of the pig -- whereupon the pig snorts the infamous "Don’t you know who I am?" line.
o By the end of the flight the pig was going "hog wild," if you’ll excuse the expression. Cavorting and you-know-what-ing all over the cabin. But -- pigs will be pigs.

OK, enough for the ridicule -- let’s get down to the lesson: Why was the pig ever allowed on the plane? Because the upper management of US Airways has browbeat its employees to "follow the rules no matter what" and discourages "thinking" on the part of its front line employees. Anyone with one ounce of "duh" has to "just say no" to the pig. But no one wanted to rule against the previous ruling, so enter the pig.

"Hello, US Airways? This is Jeffrey Gitomer. I’d like to make a reservation for me and my service animal. Well it’s not exactly a dog, it’s a hippopotamus. Weight? About thirteen pounds. It’ll fit under the seat in front of me I swear…"

Notice to all managers: Encourage your people to use their judgment, not live in fear of being judged.

Epilog: I called US Airways Director of Consumer Affairs, Deborah Thompson, to see what they decided to do for the customers outraged from the pig-flight. I suggested "free bacon," but they didn’t seem to get the joke. I was willing to put anything in this piece that would make them look good -- I was hoping for heroic. Here is her EXACT response:

Thank you for your call today and intention to show USAirways in a ‘better
light.’ I am told you would like to know how we are dealing with the
customers. We are talking with our customers and taking a proactive stance, but we must decline the invitation to discuss the details of those conversations. Thank you for contacting us and I hope this response was timely. Deborah Thompson

Huh? Wouldn’t you think they’d use this opportunity to save face instead of cover ...? It only takes one minute to make the decision, if your intention is to do the right thing. Doing the least expensive thing takes a few days.

Got a customer service horror or humor story you wanna share? This one will be hard to beat. Go to www.gitomer.com – register if you’re a first time user, and click around for the page that asks for your story. It’s on the menu under "Sales Help"

Jeffrey Gitomer, author of The Sales Bible, and Customer Satisfaction is Worthless, Customer Loyalty is Priceless. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts training programs on selling and customer service. He can be reached at 704/333-1112 or e-mail to [email protected]

© 2000 All Rights Reserved - Don't even think about reproducing this document without written permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer o 704/333-1112


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US Chairman's Preferred,
Starwood Platinum,
Centurion AMEX,
college dropout