We had a mid-fleet steward - some years ago - who rang in sick, and then came in person to say that the Doctor had signed him off as he had piles.

His Flight Supervisor informed him that whilst it was very kind of him to have come in person, he could have self-certificated, or just dropped the sick note (medical certificate) in the mail.

"Do you think I would have come down the bloody A4 (which was under repair) with every every jolt and bump acting like a red hot poker if I could spell haemmorrhoids??? Look at that handwriting, it's illegible! Anyway, it's an occupatiojnal hazard in this job!"

I understand that he eventually had an operation which he used to refer to as "the" operation or "my hysterical rectomy" (I am not making this up!).

They do not come like that any more!