I don't think you are the only 1K with a fear of flying. Others may not have it to the extremity that you do, but us F/As can usually tell when someone is fearful. I've seen many 1K and GS tightly grab the armrests on takeoff/landing/during turbulence, constantly look out the window, and then at me sitting in the jumpseat in front of them. I give you credit for making it through those long international flights without using the lav!!