Congratulations on your pending nuptuals.
Most of your questions can be answered by reviewing materials here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-se..._in_California
and here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recogni..._in_New_Jersey
The key phrase from the latter link is "New Jersey has legislated for both domestic partnerships and civil unions, and recognizes out-of-state same-sex marriages as equivalent to civil unions conducted in the state."