United Unveils “Bistro on Board” Menu for Fall

In an effort to introduce the warmth and whimsy of the autumn season into the waking nightmare of shooting through the sky in a pressurized tube, United Airlines has announced new menu items for the fall season.

New items include a banana bread pudding collaboration with yogurt merchant Chobani that costs $8.99 and features butterscotch chips and Greek yogurt in place of the customary heavy cream in the dish, as well as a chorizo sandwich and strawberry oats.

There will also be a selection of seasonal beers available aboard flights to coincide with autumn.

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