What to do? Possible inappropriate Contact Made by FA in F

 
Old Nov 5, 12, 1:20 am
  #1  
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What to do? Possible inappropriate Contact Made by FA in F

Looking for some advice...

I took a flight from PHX-PHL last week and felt very uncomfortable throughout the flight due to some physical interactions I had (though certainly did no initiate) with the FA. Just as a short intro: both myself and the FA in question are male. I'm in my mid-20s and I'd peg him at about 32-35.

1) It started with taking my jacket. Instead of simply asking, the FA rubbed my arm (in the way an uncle might rub the arm of his young nephew) and said something along the lines of, "are you going to be too warm in that? Can I take that for you?" Why did he need to rub my arm - needless to say I felt very uncomfortable and - at least I though - moved back to show my displeasure.

2) When it cam time for drinks, the same thing happened. This time, I can understand some contact - MAYBE. If I'm not paying attention, a simple pat on the shoulder is acceptable (in my eyes). However, this was another arm/shoulder rub - close to a caress even. In any case, I considered it HIGHLY inappropriate.

3) When it was time to deplane and he got my jacket for me, I was facing the back as I was reaching for my bag from the overhead bin. This part was the most disturbing. He proceded to "tickle/scratch" (for lack of a better description) my back with three-four fingers from my neck to halfway down my back. ...??? I literally jumped, only to hear him say "here's your jacket, sir."

How should I handle this??
ariyo15 is offline  
Old Nov 5, 12, 1:42 am
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Interesting post. While clearly no FA (or anybody) should do things that make people uncomfortable, let me ask a few questions to try and get a better idea of what happened here (I hope these don't offend you, and obviously feel free not to answer):

- Are you gay?
- Do you think the FA is gay?
- Are you or the FA above average in terms of physical attractiveness?
- Did you or the FA give any flirtatious vibes to each other?
- Did the FA act this way with anybody else?
- Are you American or have spent many years in the US?

Of course, the answers to the above questions do not excuse inappropriate behavior, but they might help to shed light on the situation.

Based on what you said, I would not suggest you involve any police/LEO in this. If you feel so inclined, it might be a good idea to send an email to US about this. With any luck, they will file this with the necessary people. With any luck, if the FA in question has a 'clean record' in these types of matters, your email will be ignored. If the FA in question has received similar complaints, action should be taken.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 4:46 am
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Just move on with life.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 4:58 am
  #4  
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Honestly, what is the matter with people these days? Guy did something you felt was inappropriate? Tell him to stop! Do you really need to be asking?

Instead of maning up and saying something at the time you acted like a sheep, let it happen two other times and then to top off the silliness you post on the internet asking what you should have done?

Dude, get over yourself and move on.

Or.....you could join the modern generation and start a blog - updating your feelings daily and then start a victim's support group.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 6:15 am
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On the one hand, there is a tendency to believe that men that make this sort of complaint are ultrasensitive homophobes. (And many probably are).

On the other hand, I feel that the responses of the last 3 posters would be wholly inappropriate (especially #2 and #3) if the OP were a female complaining about a male. And OP deserves the benefit of the doubt, I believe.

That said, my advice would be a gently and simply worded email to US Customer Service so that, if this is a pattern, they can track it and have notice.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 6:52 am
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He was being motherly(matronly) just like the female older FA's are, so get over it. Did he ask you for your number?
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Old Nov 5, 12, 6:56 am
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I agree that any unprofessional behavior by a FA needs to be reported, and I think you should send in a carefully worded email. As a third party who wasn't there, it sounds like the FA was being overly familiar and unprofessional, but wasn't groping or trying to cop a feel, and I'd make sure to word my email so that it accurately and clearly reflected the situation. FWIW reading the title of this post, I assumed the FA would have grabbed or groped a passenger in a sexual manner, and while the OP doesn't come out and say that, that's just the mental image I drew while reading. And I absolutely believe you don't want to label someone with sexual misconduct or etc unless they've actually done that. If the OP finds it a non-sexual incident, then the wording should make that clear to the reader. Same goes if the OP thinks it's a sexual incident.

I also agree with the earlier post that the OP should have said something during the flight. I would assume that actually telling the FA to please not touch any more would have ended the problem. When you tell someone to stop doing something, you have to be clear, and can't just hope that body language will be understood. Not trying to make the OP feel worse, just saying that each of us has a responsibility to communicate to others when they're crossing our personal boundaries.

Last edited by dcpatti; Nov 5, 12 at 7:05 am
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Old Nov 5, 12, 7:57 am
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Originally Posted by djjaguar64 View Post
He was being motherly(matronly) just like the female older FA's are, so get over it.
This is what I was thinking.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 8:09 am
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For me if I felt it wasn't right I would've told him to stop in no uncertain terms.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 8:14 am
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ariyo15, answer this question honestly (sharing your answer here is not necessary): How would you have felt if the FA had been female and did everything you described?

If the answer is, "I'd have been OK with it", then your problem is not with the FA but with the fact that the FA is male. But if the answer is "I would have felt equally uncomfortable", then the FA was likely indeed doing something inappropriate.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 8:37 am
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In this world of Facebook and Twitter we are all losing touch with humanity, we don't want to be touched by anyone, even if it is just a simple "I will take care of you kinda gesture". What is wrong with us all?

Please read this great article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/health/23mind.html

I like this quote:

“We are wired to literally share the processing load, and this is the signal we’re getting when we receive support through touch.”

Last edited by djjaguar64; Nov 5, 12 at 9:12 am
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Old Nov 5, 12, 9:02 am
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Originally Posted by Indelaware View Post
Just move on with life.
^^^^

I get this kind of thing all the time (from both men and women). Take it as a compliment and move on.

Last edited by GotCalcio4; Nov 5, 12 at 9:09 am
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Old Nov 5, 12, 9:35 am
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Originally Posted by GAC View Post
Or.....you could join the modern generation and start a blog - updating your feelings daily and then start a victim's support group.
I love that.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 9:45 am
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You might want to record this in your diary and then turn the page.
Seriously, this happens to me all the time. When FA's try to tear my clothes off I get a great feeling watching the other pax turn green with envy.
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Old Nov 5, 12, 10:29 am
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Originally Posted by GotCalcio4 View Post
Take it as a compliment and move on.
My thoughts exactly.
The time to say something was during your flight, while it was happening.
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