In United, We Trust - Most Common UA Mistruths
 

As I embark, shortly, on my first travel of 2009, I thought it might be fun to compile a list of United mistruths. Not in an excessively negative fashion, of course, but just those phrases that pop up from GAs, CSRs, and the ICC that make us all chuckle, just a little bit, and, at times, make us shake our heads in disbelief in their deviations from the truth.

So, list 'em all - and if necessary, place a little bit of context around your quotation.

I'll start (and add more as I emerge from my pre-move packing!)

-"United does not normally compensate under these circumstances" (In reference to a mechanical)

-"You have to be traveling in international C or F to receive drink chits. Period." (At, where else, IAD)

"It's against FAA regulations for us to... (fill in the blank)"

"You are not entitled to compensation for a class of service downgrade because you purchased a coach fare" for H-Ups with Ted planes swapped in.

"In order to better serve you..." or "based on feedback, and to enhance customer experience...", when cutting service.

"FA's are here primarily for your safety...", so please don't disturb us when you are thirsty and we are reading People magazine.

Haha - that's a good one. I always love the "for your safety" warning/admonition.

Or, another favorite of mine, from .bomb: "An error occurred and you request was unable to be processed. Please contact Customer Service...and reference this arcane booking code."

"That airline may be making awards available to its own members on that flight, but not to UA MP members"

"It's a pleasure having you onboard."

"Program enhancement"

Redeemable miles are actually "redeemable."

Get back to us after the next in-flight emergency or emergency landing or survivable crash.

Always good to see yet another thread which helps explain why UA staffers might come to FT and the United forum for awhile, but most don't stay -- understandably.

Most of my flights to/from Hawai`i are staffed by FAs who are genuinely pleased to have folks on board, and enjoy their work.

I love this one! And there are more FAs per pax in F because those in F are the most dangerous types.

It's fine for FAs to indicate that they are "primarily there for [our] safety," which, of course, we hope they are. It just irks me when that phrase is used an excuse not to provide a dignifying level of customer service.

"The following flight time has been revised" (EasyUpdate on a delayed flight)

(sound of intl ringing) "Hello United Airlines, my name is Peter Smith" :D

"Upgrades confirmable in advance"