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Is This Person a Flyer Talker (aka, the 'Mr. Pillows' Thread)?

Is This Person a Flyer Talker (aka, the 'Mr. Pillows' Thread)?

 

Old Aug 1, 05, 2:55 pm
  #1  
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Is This Person a Flyer Talker (aka, the 'Mr. Pillows' Thread)?

This was posted by a United Flight Attendant on a F/A-only discussion board. Of course I can't vouch for its accuracy 100%, but based on the context in which it was presented on the F/A discussion board, I have no reason to believe it is not true. I thought y'all would get a kick out of it.

Well, I had heard rumors...but I finally flew with the guy I'll call "Mr. Pillows."

This is a very frequent international flyer, whom the 'Carnation People' have determined can have whatever he wants, however he wants it, and that, he does:

On each and every flight, he is guaranteed the very same first class seat, no matter what.
He is provided with an entire bag--by that, I mean a four foot by two foot by four foot plastic bag---full of pillows strictly for his own use onboard the flight, none of which are to be distributed (under any circumstances, at ANY point during the flight) to any other passengers. A minimum of twenty United pillows for his own use, guaranteed, on any flight.

The explanation?

"Mr. Pillows is an extremely important customer. He pays us millions extra for his pillows. He always flies full fare!"

Okay, then there are the specific newspapers, just for him.

And did I mention the blankets?
You got it--one bag of ten LARGE blankets--exclusively for Mir. Pillows.

Explanation?

"He likes to 'nest'; it's the least we can do, for such a great customer. He flies with us nearly every week of the year. No one else is to touch these pillows or blankets. We just leave them in frtont of his seat; he'll do the rest. He'll get his own, during the flight, if he needs them. We leave them by the seat, and Mr. Pillows stows them wherever he likes, so do not move them from this (isolated, of course) first class seat. Let him do it."

(Needless to say, Mr. Pillows immediately clogs up the boarding process by standing in the aisle at door 1L, carefully stowing all of it in the front closet, and leaving absolutely no space for anything or anyone else.)

Oh...did I mention the big bag of milk?

Yup. Mr. Pillows's milk--bought and boarded by United--must be separately stowed in a chilled carrier onboard the first class galley. If you don't recognize the milk, don't ask. It's not our usual 2% milk; it's a special whole milk. We get it overseas for him, deadhead it here, and then use it as he returns to his native land.

"Oh...need I mention this? No one--not crew, not cockpit, or other passengers, are to be served any of the milk out of this bag of milk."

And there--sure enough-- were the quirky, sexy plastic 'bottles' of milk for Mr. Pillows.

Each item was hand delivered to the airplane, in advance of the boarding process, by a separate United employee. Two 'Carnation People' followed up, with visits to ensure Mr. Pillows' happiness, prior to departure.
Anyone here want to 'fess up?
Bear96 is offline  
Old Aug 1, 05, 3:00 pm
  #2  
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iluv2nest?
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:00 pm
  #3  
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And you wonder why Tilton got booted out of 1A that time...

(There is always a 1A on all UA aircraft.)
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:02 pm
  #4  
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Originally Posted by qasr
iluv2nest?
Damn. You were literally just seconds before me...
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:04 pm
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Wow... only if they had special instructions for me!

Wiggums is a very special customer. Upon boarding, he wants an FA to read him a good bed story. He likes iced oatmeal cookies with warm milk before he sleeps. Do not forget to make sure his nuts are warmed at precisely 125F. Handle his nuts gently, with two hands if possible, as he hates having his nuts rattled.
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:05 pm
  #6  
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Originally Posted by iluv2fly
Damn. You were literally just seconds before me...
What? Too busy fluffing your pillows again?
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:08 pm
  #7  
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Originally Posted by qasr
What? Too busy fluffing your pillows again?
Better fluffing my pillows than just...eh, never mind...
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:09 pm
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Seeing how this guy is contributing so much to UALAQ's bottom line, maybe his requests aren't all that whacked out...
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:10 pm
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Hmmm, predilection for nesting, obsession with milk; could Mr. Pillows have been weaned too early?

Aside from the whiff of insanity, it seems to me that being Mr. Pillows is a good way to live.
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:11 pm
  #10  
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Now if we could only get Mr. Pillows to book regularly onto a few of the longer TED routes, our problems could be solved!!
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:13 pm
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Originally Posted by qasr
iluv2nest?
That's actually princessiluv2nest...
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:20 pm
  #12  
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Originally Posted by Bear96
Anyone here want to 'fess up?
Sounds like GoldFlyer.

http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182481

UGS folks are eccentric by nature, so if this one does contribute millions, if not tens of millions, in annual funds to UA, well, I suppose they can be forgiven their...peccadillos.
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:33 pm
  #13  
 
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Sounds like Howard Hughes
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:53 pm
  #14  
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Proof that United will never remove pillows from their flights.
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Old Aug 1, 05, 3:57 pm
  #15  
 
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Lmao!!!

Originally Posted by Wiggums
Wow... only if they had special instructions for me!

Wiggums is a very special customer. Upon boarding, he wants an FA to read him a good bed story. He likes iced oatmeal cookies with warm milk before he sleeps. Do not forget to make sure his nuts are warmed at precisely 125F. Handle his nuts gently, with two hands if possible, as he hates having his nuts rattled.
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