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DYKWIA stories (Traveling on United Airlines) [2016 onward]

DYKWIA stories (Traveling on United Airlines) [2016 onward]

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Old Jun 6, 19, 6:17 am   -   Wikipost
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A thread making {gentle} fun of the anonymous "Don't You Know Who I Am" (DYKWIAs) we run across in our travels.

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Old May 14, 19, 7:54 pm
  #1036  
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Programs: United
Posts: 40
Sydney bound and down...

My business partner and I are flying UA 9 SFO to CTU (April 27). He comes in from DEN, and me from IAH. We agree to meet in the Polaris Lounge for dinner and drinks. I arrive first. Seated at the bar (9:30 pm) are a hammered mother-daughter combo (mid 60’s, mid 30’s). I belly up and order a beer. These two ladies are talking gibberish: incoherent gossip with all kinds of emotional twang. Of course, I can’t help but eavesdrop. Suddenly they break into song. I’m muffling my laughter, looking away, but texting my partner this fun. He walks in and they literally stair him down. Then the bartender asks them about their flight: to Sydney. Asks them where they’re from: locals, San Francisco. Ask them how their evening is going: “great! we’ve been drinking here for twelve hours!”. Bartender then indicates it’s near boarding time, suggests they start heading down. “Not before another drink!” cry the ladies. Bar tender is now clearly hesitant; looks across the bar to a colleague. Then, after a nod of approval, does the dirty work: they’re cutoff. Both ladies shriek and push back, demanding a manager. Someone in such a roll appears, informs them that it’s the lounge policy not to serve more than three drinks, and besides it’s time for them to board their plane. More pushback upon which the manager firmly tells them “no”. Alas, those famous words are spoken by mom: “Do YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’m global services and I’m calling CS right now!”. Manager stands his ground, informs them they will not be allowed to board if presumed intoxicated and that if anything goes awry, he’s personally responsible. At this point the daughter backs down and tries to pull mom away. Mom gives the thousand yard death stair, mumbling something about GS status and how’ll she’ll have none of this. She quietly acquiesces. Bartender politely says “have a good flight” as they ladies are headed to the escalator. This stops mom dead in her tracks and she screams (verbatim): “ I will NOT have a good flight, thanks to YOU!” This poor bartender. I consoled her saying she had done the right thing. All along, I wondered how the ladies’ flight went...I’m guessing they woke up somewhere over the Pacific massively hungover and in need of some water!
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Old May 14, 19, 8:13 pm
  #1037  
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 913
Originally Posted by catahoulafriend View Post
My business partner and I are flying UA 9 SFO to CTU (April 27). He comes in from DEN, and me from IAH. We agree to meet in the Polaris Lounge for dinner and drinks. I arrive first. Seated at the bar (9:30 pm) are a hammered mother-daughter combo (mid 60’s, mid 30’s). I belly up and order a beer. These two ladies are talking gibberish: incoherent gossip with all kinds of emotional twang. Of course, I can’t help but eavesdrop. Suddenly they break into song. I’m muffling my laughter, looking away, but texting my partner this fun. He walks in and they literally stair him down. Then the bartender asks them about their flight: to Sydney. Asks them where they’re from: locals, San Francisco. Ask them how their evening is going: “great! we’ve been drinking here for twelve hours!”. Bartender then indicates it’s near boarding time, suggests they start heading down. “Not before another drink!” cry the ladies. Bar tender is now clearly hesitant; looks across the bar to a colleague. Then, after a nod of approval, does the dirty work: they’re cutoff. Both ladies shriek and push back, demanding a manager. Someone in such a roll appears, informs them that it’s the lounge policy not to serve more than three drinks, and besides it’s time for them to board their plane. More pushback upon which the manager firmly tells them “no”. Alas, those famous words are spoken by mom: “Do YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’m global services and I’m calling CS right now!”. Manager stands his ground, informs them they will not be allowed to board if presumed intoxicated and that if anything goes awry, he’s personally responsible. At this point the daughter backs down and tries to pull mom away. Mom gives the thousand yard death stair, mumbling something about GS status and how’ll she’ll have none of this. She quietly acquiesces. Bartender politely says “have a good flight” as they ladies are headed to the escalator. This stops mom dead in her tracks and she screams (verbatim): “ I will NOT have a good flight, thanks to YOU!” This poor bartender. I consoled her saying she had done the right thing. All along, I wondered how the ladies’ flight went...I’m guessing they woke up somewhere over the Pacific massively hungover and in need of some water!
One of the best DYKWIM I have read in a long time. I could not imagine getting on a 14hr flight drunk (even in business), and I too wonder how their flight was. That is if they were allowed to board, wonder if PL manager called down to the flight to give a heads up.
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Old May 14, 19, 8:31 pm
  #1038  
 
Join Date: May 2010
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Originally Posted by catahoulafriend View Post
All along, I wondered how the ladies’ flight went...I’m guessing they woke up somewhere over the Pacific massively hungover and in need of some water!
A Bloody Mary is much more likely.
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Old May 14, 19, 8:45 pm
  #1039  
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: SFO
Programs: AA,UA,AS
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Originally Posted by catahoulafriend View Post
My business partner and I are flying UA 9 SFO to CTU (April 27). He comes in from DEN, and me from IAH. We agree to meet in the Polaris Lounge for dinner and drinks. I arrive first. Seated at the bar (9:30 pm) are a hammered mother-daughter combo (mid 60’s, mid 30’s). I belly up and order a beer. These two ladies are talking gibberish: incoherent gossip with all kinds of emotional twang. Of course, I can’t help but eavesdrop. Suddenly they break into song. I’m muffling my laughter, looking away, but texting my partner this fun. He walks in and they literally stair him down. Then the bartender asks them about their flight: to Sydney. Asks them where they’re from: locals, San Francisco. Ask them how their evening is going: “great! we’ve been drinking here for twelve hours!”. Bartender then indicates it’s near boarding time, suggests they start heading down. “Not before another drink!” cry the ladies. Bar tender is now clearly hesitant; looks across the bar to a colleague. Then, after a nod of approval, does the dirty work: they’re cutoff. Both ladies shriek and push back, demanding a manager. Someone in such a roll appears, informs them that it’s the lounge policy not to serve more than three drinks, and besides it’s time for them to board their plane. More pushback upon which the manager firmly tells them “no”. Alas, those famous words are spoken by mom: “Do YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’m global services and I’m calling CS right now!”. Manager stands his ground, informs them they will not be allowed to board if presumed intoxicated and that if anything goes awry, he’s personally responsible. At this point the daughter backs down and tries to pull mom away. Mom gives the thousand yard death stair, mumbling something about GS status and how’ll she’ll have none of this. She quietly acquiesces. Bartender politely says “have a good flight” as they ladies are headed to the escalator. This stops mom dead in her tracks and she screams (verbatim): “ I will NOT have a good flight, thanks to YOU!” This poor bartender. I consoled her saying she had done the right thing. All along, I wondered how the ladies’ flight went...I’m guessing they woke up somewhere over the Pacific massively hungover and in need of some water!
Good for the manager and bartender in standing their ground. For what it's worth, in the state of California it is a misdemeanor to serve someone visibly intoxicated.
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Old May 15, 19, 5:30 am
  #1040  
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: BWI, PHL, IAD
Programs: Marriott LT Titanium, Mileage Plus Plat, Global Entry
Posts: 1,424
Originally Posted by findark View Post
What grants access to the CDG *A F lounge anyway? Is there any F service there, or is it just connecting pax?
Could it have been this?

https://www.royalairportconcierge.co...rt-vip-service
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Old May 15, 19, 6:05 am
  #1041  
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 209
Originally Posted by catahoulafriend View Post
My business partner and I are flying UA 9 SFO to CTU (April 27). He comes in from DEN, and me from IAH. We agree to meet in the Polaris Lounge for dinner and drinks. I arrive first. Seated at the bar (9:30 pm) are a hammered mother-daughter combo (mid 60’s, mid 30’s). I belly up and order a beer. These two ladies are talking gibberish: incoherent gossip with all kinds of emotional twang. Of course, I can’t help but eavesdrop. Suddenly they break into song. I’m muffling my laughter, looking away, but texting my partner this fun. He walks in and they literally stair him down. Then the bartender asks them about their flight: to Sydney. Asks them where they’re from: locals, San Francisco. Ask them how their evening is going: “great! we’ve been drinking here for twelve hours!”. Bartender then indicates it’s near boarding time, suggests they start heading down. “Not before another drink!” cry the ladies. Bar tender is now clearly hesitant; looks across the bar to a colleague. Then, after a nod of approval, does the dirty work: they’re cutoff. Both ladies shriek and push back, demanding a manager. Someone in such a roll appears, informs them that it’s the lounge policy not to serve more than three drinks, and besides it’s time for them to board their plane. More pushback upon which the manager firmly tells them “no”. Alas, those famous words are spoken by mom: “Do YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’m global services and I’m calling CS right now!”. Manager stands his ground, informs them they will not be allowed to board if presumed intoxicated and that if anything goes awry, he’s personally responsible. At this point the daughter backs down and tries to pull mom away. Mom gives the thousand yard death stair, mumbling something about GS status and how’ll she’ll have none of this. She quietly acquiesces. Bartender politely says “have a good flight” as they ladies are headed to the escalator. This stops mom dead in her tracks and she screams (verbatim): “ I will NOT have a good flight, thanks to YOU!” This poor bartender. I consoled her saying she had done the right thing. All along, I wondered how the ladies’ flight went...I’m guessing they woke up somewhere over the Pacific massively hungover and in need of some water!
Ha! That is a great story. It only needs video to enhance the awesomeness.
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Old May 15, 19, 2:19 pm
  #1042  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Programs: All of them, UA-Plat, 1MM*G
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by catahoulafriend View Post
My business partner and I are flying UA 9 SFO to CTU (April 27). He comes in from DEN, and me from IAH. We agree to meet in the Polaris Lounge for dinner and drinks. I arrive first. Seated at the bar (9:30 pm) are a hammered mother-daughter combo (mid 60’s, mid 30’s). I belly up and order a beer. These two ladies are talking gibberish: incoherent gossip with all kinds of emotional twang. Of course, I can’t help but eavesdrop. Suddenly they break into song. I’m muffling my laughter, looking away, but texting my partner this fun. He walks in and they literally stair him down. Then the bartender asks them about their flight: to Sydney. Asks them where they’re from: locals, San Francisco. Ask them how their evening is going: “great! we’ve been drinking here for twelve hours!”. Bartender then indicates it’s near boarding time, suggests they start heading down. “Not before another drink!” cry the ladies. Bar tender is now clearly hesitant; looks across the bar to a colleague. Then, after a nod of approval, does the dirty work: they’re cutoff. Both ladies shriek and push back, demanding a manager. Someone in such a roll appears, informs them that it’s the lounge policy not to serve more than three drinks, and besides it’s time for them to board their plane. More pushback upon which the manager firmly tells them “no”. Alas, those famous words are spoken by mom: “Do YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’m global services and I’m calling CS right now!”. Manager stands his ground, informs them they will not be allowed to board if presumed intoxicated and that if anything goes awry, he’s personally responsible. At this point the daughter backs down and tries to pull mom away. Mom gives the thousand yard death stair, mumbling something about GS status and how’ll she’ll have none of this. She quietly acquiesces. Bartender politely says “have a good flight” as they ladies are headed to the escalator. This stops mom dead in her tracks and she screams (verbatim): “ I will NOT have a good flight, thanks to YOU!” This poor bartender. I consoled her saying she had done the right thing. All along, I wondered how the ladies’ flight went...I’m guessing they woke up somewhere over the Pacific massively hungover and in need of some water!
I hope you told the bartender that if he received any pushback from GS, that you would vouch for his side of the story.
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Old May 15, 19, 5:27 pm
  #1043  
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: SLC
Programs: DL FO, KM, & 1.7MM; UA nothing; HH♦; National EE
Posts: 5,898
Originally Posted by catahoulafriend View Post
...He walks in and they literally stair him down...

...Then, after a nod of approval, does the dirty work: they’re cutoff...
I would have cut them off as soon as they pushed your partner down the stairs.
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Old May 15, 19, 10:23 pm
  #1044  
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Programs: United
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Originally Posted by Howste View Post
I would have cut them off as soon as they pushed your partner down the stairs.
Touche, Howste!
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Old May 22, 19, 8:17 pm
  #1045  
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Wow, this is a new one. On CR7 and I’m in 7A (1st row coach). Guy in 8C takes his tagged rollerboard which of course doesn’t fit in the bins and throws it under the last row of FC (ie 7D’s foot space). Pax in 7C or 7D haven’t boarded yet. Another pax asks what he is doing and and he says “they got plenty of room.” He then proceeds to poach 7C and then 7C pax shows up guy claims “GA said no one else was coming and I could sit here.”

Amazingly pax in 7D shows up and doesn’t say a word....
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Old May 22, 19, 9:46 pm
  #1046  
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Originally Posted by mnredfox View Post
Wow, this is a new one. On CR7 and I’m in 7A (1st row coach). Guy in 8C takes his tagged rollerboard which of course doesn’t fit in the bins and throws it under the last row of FC (ie 7D’s foot space). Pax in 7C or 7D haven’t boarded yet. Another pax asks what he is doing and and he says “they got plenty of room.” He then proceeds to poach 7C and then 7C pax shows up guy claims “GA said no one else was coming and I could sit here.”

Amazingly pax in 7D shows up and doesn’t say a word....
Good grief, what an arrogant you-know-what! I hope the real 7C booted this jerk out of his seat and didn't sulk to another seat.
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Old May 23, 19, 5:41 am
  #1047  
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Originally Posted by bocastephen View Post
Good grief, what an arrogant you-know-what! I hope the real 7C booted this jerk out of his seat and didn't sulk to another seat.
I find some solace in the fact that this piece of work clearly spends a lot of times on CR7s. Small balance of fairness in life.
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Old May 23, 19, 5:58 am
  #1048  
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: NJ
Programs: UA 1K
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A few years back I was on a 737, sitting in the bulkhead row in seat A. No surprise, all of the overhead bins in the front of coach were full with the doors closed already. The person in seat C had gone to the bathroom at this point.
Some clown comes on board, opens the bin above me and proceeds to pull Mr. C's briefcase down and puts HIS bag in the same spot. I confront him and ask why he's moving other people's bags onto the floor without asking and he gives me a rant about how he's paid for his ticket and he has the right to this space as well. I decide to not escalate the situation and let him go about his business as he re-closes the bin and walks to the back of the plane.

45 seconds later, I get up, take his bag out and put it on the ground (mind you, he just left Mr. C's briefcase sitting in the aisle and just walked away), and then put Mr. C's stuff back up top. When the FA comes around asking who's bag was sitting on the ground, I explain to him what had happened and he gladly found the offending passenger and checked the luggage for him.
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Old May 23, 19, 6:59 am
  #1049  
 
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Originally Posted by hindle View Post
A few years back I was on a 737, sitting in the bulkhead row in seat A. No surprise, all of the overhead bins in the front of coach were full with the doors closed already. The person in seat C had gone to the bathroom at this point.
Some clown comes on board, opens the bin above me and proceeds to pull Mr. C's briefcase down and puts HIS bag in the same spot. I confront him and ask why he's moving other people's bags onto the floor without asking and he gives me a rant about how he's paid for his ticket and he has the right to this space as well. I decide to not escalate the situation and let him go about his business as he re-closes the bin and walks to the back of the plane.

45 seconds later, I get up, take his bag out and put it on the ground (mind you, he just left Mr. C's briefcase sitting in the aisle and just walked away), and then put Mr. C's stuff back up top. When the FA comes around asking who's bag was sitting on the ground, I explain to him what had happened and he gladly found the offending passenger and checked the luggage for him.
You deserve a cape and a national holiday....
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Old May 23, 19, 2:15 pm
  #1050  
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
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Originally Posted by hindle View Post
45 seconds later, I get up, take his bag out and put it on the ground (mind you, he just left Mr. C's briefcase sitting in the aisle and just walked away), and then put Mr. C's stuff back up top. When the FA comes around asking who's bag was sitting on the ground, I explain to him what had happened and he gladly found the offending passenger and checked the luggage for him.
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