Biggest Whopper you've heard from a UA Pilot, Flight Attendant, Gate or Ticket Agent?
 

Heard a good one today.
As we sat in the penalty box for 30 minutes of my 45 minute connection time
from the Cockpit, " United only has a couple gates at O'Hare that can accommodate an Airbus"
I call shenanigans
Your turn!
I made it to my flight BTW with minutes to spare

Perhaps he meant a 380 (for LH?)

the airline won't allow this
 

I was at PHX waiting for my UA flight to IAD when the gate agent announced an oversold situation. I volunteered right away and was rejected by the gate agent who upon checking the computer said that my only alternative would be a hop to SFO and then a nonstop to IAD. I said I would take it. He said that United would not ticket a customer to go west to go east. He bumped somone who was willing to spend the night at PHX and travel the next day.

No current gate at ORD can accommodate the A380.

"The upgrade system is not broken, Sir."

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LOL. Yeah that explains my flight sitting at R5 for 3 days at T-39 with no upgrades cleared

Right at the time UA got there single op cert, while waiting for Red eye P.S. flight to depart LAX the Capt came on and said he had to read a whole 400 page Manuel with new take off procedures and "did not feel it was safe to take off till he read the whole thing". He stated it would take about 3 hours to read so we would depart around 1:30AM. He welcomed anyone w questions to come talk to him but reminded us for every minute he talked to a passenger was another minute we would be delayed. People could not believe this. At least 25 people were to scared to fly with this morin and got off. He told me it was not a union thing or anger at the merger but he was so full of. Took off at 1:45am

On a recent United flight from IAH to LAX the pilots thanked us for flying Continental. I said I must have flown the wrong airline to the crew when I left the plane, as I bought a ticket with UNITED.

I do this a lot and the check-in agents often notice and say something about the supposed shadiness of doing this. I was told once that it could indicate that I was a security risk--that flight was MCO-SFO-DEN. Talk about BS!

I'm thinking it was more sarcasm.

^^

I've never had an issue with that.

I probably hear a good handful of times a year from a FA on a delayed inbound flight to a hub something along the lines of "don't worry about connections, all flights are delayed," or a favorite, "they'll hold flights for connecting passengers." Only once in memory have I heard the honest truth from a then-NW FA, to the effect of "we don't hold planes, you've missed your connection, see someone to rebook."

I always tell my passengers that many flights are delayed and they should not stress until we arrive at the destination, as there is very little that can be done in the mean time. Part of my welcome announcement in these situations is to be sure to check the boards as many flights are delayed and it is possible your connection has not yet departed.

Then again, I also try to gather flight numbers from my passengers and check them via my phone when we land so that everyone has a good idea of whats happening before I even get the door open.

My all-time favorite from the LAX meltdown in March...

"We'd rather let someone who hasn't flown with us before have the chance to sit in a first class seat" upon being told my revenue F ticket and elite status wasn't enough to keep my reservation in the F cabin in an oversale situation.

Not to ruin the fun, but the subject line for this thread is an ugly one. I hope someone starts a corresponding "Biggest whopper you've ever heard from a UA passenger" thread in the interest of fair play.

"DYKWIA?"

"I was told I had club access with this ticket"

"I've flown XX miles with this airline, I'm entitled to [insert perk here]"

And so on.

I'm not saying whoppers aren't told by employees -- or passengers. But that subject line strikes me as abusive toward the UACO employees whose posts in this forum are so valuable.

F/A to me on an ERJ in cruise: "Sir, you cannot use your [Bose] headphones while seated at the emergency exit!"

G/A to me (GS, Y fare, #1 on WL): "Sir, I can't upgrade you just yet. There might still be passengers with higher status or priority than you showing up!"

"yes, sir. we are still going to have an on-time departure to FRA"

...........this past Sunday at C18 ORD-FRA on a fully loaded 747. And this was told to me and another passenger at 6:01pm for a 6:25pm departure. With the 747 still at the hangar!!

I felt bad that a co-worker would actually make a comment like this.

Best I ever encountered was many years ago (probably early 80's). I was flying NW DTW-PHL on a flight that originated in MSP. Fog in the Twin Cities kept MSP closed, so I called my family (who were going to meet me at PHL), and told them to hold tight until I called back with an ETA in PHL. Many hours later the GA announced the flight had left MSP, and should be into DTW at x:yz, with departure at a:bc, so I called the folks. Dad answered and said Mom and sister had left for PHL a couple of hours earlier on the basis of a call to the reservation number, during which the agent said the flight already had left DTW (at a time when it was a couple of hours from even leaving MSP).

I JUST bought a tkt from Zua last week and flew JFK-LAX-PHX R/T so that's a load of crap they fed you. If you go on UA.COM and put JFK-PHX almost EVERY flight they list is a PS to LAX/SFO connecting to EXP to PHX and return

+1 ^^^ and I speak from experience cuz I fly more then anybody and spend more money with this and every other airline:D:D:D

'You'll see a number of changes in the months ahead, and I think you'll like them.'

That is thoughtful.

The FA did the same thing for some of the passengers on my YVR-ORD flight on May 3, when we were held on the tarmac for 2 hours before we could get a gate.

(January 4, 2010)
Continental Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek told employees Monday that he won't accept his annual salary or bonus until the company is profitable for a full year.

(April 26 , 2012)
United Continental Holdings, Inc. reported a first-quarter 2012 net loss of $286 million or $0.87 loss per share, excluding $162 million of net special charges consisting primarily of integration-related costs. Including special charges, UAL reported a first-quarter 2012 net loss of $448 million or $1.36 loss per share.

Smisek's compensation package now totals $13.4 million annually...

In PHX many years ago at a CO gate, a confused looking Captain and First Officer came running up to the gate then stood at the window looking at the plane. Then they walked back and looked at the gate monitor, then the paper work, and then the plane. Of course we were all looking at this point wondering what they are doing. Finally the Captian said that is not a 737. The First officer said, I can't believe they swapped aircraft out on us again, we are not rated to fly that aircraft! Several of us heard the exchange and looked at them with bewilderment. They stood there looking confused at the plane and paper work and talking.

This was perfectly true. You could have been trumped by an FFCC passenger showing up, or senior UA mgmt travelling positive space at the last minute. there are probably some other circumstances I can't remember.

Even ignoring that, I don't blame the gate agent for a rote response. 99.5% of the time they are asked that it will be someone other than a GS on a Y fare. Checking the fare class just takes time they probably don't have at that moment.

About a month ago after landing on an IAH-EWR on a 753.
Cap turns off the seatbelt sign, door doesn't open for a few minutes.

"Ladies and gentleman, this is the captain from the flight deck. Apparently the ground crew though this was a 737 and they didn't match the jetway with the door. Give us a few minutes to find someone who knows what they are doing"

Seatbelt sign back on

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"I see you have been upgraded on your return leg (JFK-SFO). I'm actually really surprised you got upgraded- wow! The cross country flights are hard and you're only a 1K. Lucky you!" Phone agents response to me trying to get reticketed.

"As you know, we switched to a more user friendly reservations system. United's was really old.." PMCO agent

My 'favorite' was when a ORD-LHR flight was delayed for about seven hours on a mechanical issue--first a couple hours on the tarmac and then back inside at the gate. Finally, the GA announced that they hadn't been able to fix the plane but that they'd gotten a new plane for us instead. So we boarded again, and I reached into the seat pocket to do the puzzles, only to find the magazine with all the puzzles already done--by me!!

In the end, that flight got delayed and cancelled to, and we didn't leave for LHR for about twenty eight hours after scheduled departure.

Perfectly reasonable
http://i.imgur.com/Y0Mpj.jpg?1

Stop the thread. You're the clear winner

^^^

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Wanting to do the same puzzles one have just completed a few hours ago? Or who was the whopper? -;)

From a non-English speaker at the UA ICC: "Hello my name is Bob"

From the SIN departures display: "Now Boarding"

Everything on the ghastly Smisek video

From every single cabin-crew announcement to Y class: "Sit back, relax..."

"This will all be sorted out at the other end"

"Welcome to Dulles airport" (nowhere are customers less welcome)

Whatever the announcer said at SFO airport, or was it LAX or EWR, anyway no-one could understand a word of it as they seem to select announcers on the basis of their poor command of the English language.

A few weeks ago at IAD, I asked the at the CS desk why I wasn't on the upgrade waitlist:

"Only Platinum members or higher are qualified for complimentary upgrades. Gold and Silver members aren't eligible"

Which was followed by: "I can't add you to the list manually. Only the system can do that." Which was then followed up with "You could try asking the gate agent. I'm not going to have my ID number on that."

A tip to any pmCO customer service agents who don't know what the policies are, one lie is better than two. Telling me that you're unable to do something in the system and then saying you don't want to is inconsistent.

Except you are ignoring that those passengers were quite likely told by UA employees (or misled by ads or the website) that they were actually entitled to those things.

Captain: "Too upset to fly"
 

About 3 years ago I was flying PMUA SLC-DEN. Arrived at the gate close to departure time and saw a captian engaged in a heated call on his cell phone. We boarded, then sat for 45 minutes with no announcements. Then the captain came on the PA and said, parapharasing, "that some of you may have witnessed a confrontation in the gate area before boarding." (I had arrived too late to witness the event.) He want on to say that
"he was too upset to fly the plane safely to Denver" and that he was cancelling the flight. A gasp of amazement went up in the cabin and we all deplaned.

USA Today picked up the story, and according to the paper the pilots were refusing to wear their hats as a sign of solidarity over some dispute with management. The arriving cockpit crew had caught our pilot wearing his hat, and conflict ensued.

In ORD, in F to YVR: I have a rollaboard with a tote attached and my purse. Husband has a rollaboard. As we are on line, ready to board, one of the GAs said to me I can not bring these items onboard as I have more than 2. I told him this is my first UA flt since the merger and CO always let me. He said that they did things wrong. Not wanting to argue, my husband said to give him my tote. As I am doing that the GA said I cant do that. When asked why he said that the tote had not been in my husband's possesion and he was excepting something from someone that was not his.....Then he goes on to say that he will have to call TSA....I couldnt freakin believe it.

I ended up shoving my purse into the tote (obviously not a big purse if it fit in the tote) Before I get flamed for briging on too much, rollerboard allways fits in overhead, tote and purse underseat.

Hey Zach,
if only, we were on a 319.
Even the Kettles on the plane laughed

He was serious unfortunately

Your handle here is "Flavorflav", you're not serious?
You start a thread, didn't you notice the smiley face?

Are these really whoppers? The first one sounds like the pilot telling the absolute truth, probably after saying "Are you @#$% kidding me?" to himself, and if the second dude really was still all jacked off, he probably made the right call. There have been times when I've been so bothered by an argument, even 45 mins later, that while I can safely sit at my desk and fume, I probably shouldn't operate an airborne metal tube at 600 mph with hundreds of lives at stake.

"The rules don't apply to me"

I FA told me that he had been part of the UA group training CO FA's on the 744 becasue IAH-AKL was becoming SFO-IAH-AKL on a 744 due to the delay in the 787.

It would have been nice to hop a 744 SFO-IAH :D

While the GA was correct on what you can bring onboard, the idea that a husband accepting a bag from his wife is a security risk:D

BING!!! "SEAT BELTS - PLEASE!!!" Then cruising along for upwards of 3 or more hours, without a single bump, all the time with the seat-belt light on continually and not turned off until the good Capt finishes his crossword puzzle. Watching people belly crawl to the lav's so they don't get yelled at, over the PA, does make the time pass more quickly!;)