The Penalty Box
Apr 1, 2011, 3:18 pm
#78
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: 40° 41' 45" N - 74° 10' 18" W
Programs: UALCO Holdings General Member
Posts: 18,784
I will use the newest box to announce that since I have almost 100K eqms on UACO for this year, I will be going dAArk for my South America flugs :-:
Apr 1, 2011, 3:33 pm
#80
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: 40° 41' 45" N - 74° 10' 18" W
Programs: UALCO Holdings General Member
Posts: 18,784
Apr 1, 2011, 5:04 pm
#81
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ORD & MKE
Programs: Airlines: UA-CO, NH, AA, and DL Hotels: SPG, Accor, PC, and Marriott
Posts: 1,827
Apr 1, 2011, 5:40 pm
#83
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: SAT / MAA / BOM
Programs: CO Plat; UA 1K; EK Gold
Posts: 5,110
Apr 1, 2011, 6:19 pm
#84
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: North by God Royalton, Ohio
Programs: OnePass Ex-Platinum now dirtinum
Posts: 1,054
Here's the current version of Box buidelines (not to be confused with the actual guidelines laid out by FlyinHawaiian):
1. Ye shall read the box from teh beginning.
2. Ye shall drink only only beverages that are brewed, distilled, or otherwise obtained through a process of viticulture and oenology.
3. Ye shall have a flightmemory and/or openflight.
4. Ye shall post a link to said tome in your signature.
5. Poo.
6. Ye shall always take teh bump.
7. Ye shall always take the upgrade.
8. Ye shall not deploy DYKWIA.
9. Ye shall not flaunt your status.
10. Ye shall expend all good effort to acquire new dots and lines.
11. Ye shall expend all good effort to acquire new airports.
12. Ye shall expend all good effort to acquire new aircraft types.
13. Ye shall expend all good effort to maximize the number of segments on any given trip.
14. Thou shall remember BBQ Thursday, and keep it saucy.
15. Rule 14 shall not impede you from eating BBQ on any other days.
16. Ye shall expend all good effort to expand BBQ Thursday as far and wide as possible.
17. Tuesday shall be the day of the taco.
18. POTD need not be awarded everyday.
19. Ye shall not self-declare POTD.
20. Ye shall not like one's own posts.
21. Ye shall not like the Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys, Buckeyes, or Flyers.
22. Ye shall ignore these rules on an as needed basis.
23. Ye shall be the butt of a joke at any given time.
24. All posts containing facts shall be declared to be rumor.
25. No one is in charge of the box.
25a. No one shall claim to speak for the Box, to represent the Box or to plan events on the Box's behalf. Boxians are welcome to plan events; the Box does not.
1. Ye shall read the box from teh beginning.
2. Ye shall drink only only beverages that are brewed, distilled, or otherwise obtained through a process of viticulture and oenology.
3. Ye shall have a flightmemory and/or openflight.
4. Ye shall post a link to said tome in your signature.
5. Poo.
6. Ye shall always take teh bump.
7. Ye shall always take the upgrade.
8. Ye shall not deploy DYKWIA.
9. Ye shall not flaunt your status.
10. Ye shall expend all good effort to acquire new dots and lines.
11. Ye shall expend all good effort to acquire new airports.
12. Ye shall expend all good effort to acquire new aircraft types.
13. Ye shall expend all good effort to maximize the number of segments on any given trip.
14. Thou shall remember BBQ Thursday, and keep it saucy.
15. Rule 14 shall not impede you from eating BBQ on any other days.
16. Ye shall expend all good effort to expand BBQ Thursday as far and wide as possible.
17. Tuesday shall be the day of the taco.
18. POTD need not be awarded everyday.
19. Ye shall not self-declare POTD.
20. Ye shall not like one's own posts.
21. Ye shall not like the Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys, Buckeyes, or Flyers.
22. Ye shall ignore these rules on an as needed basis.
23. Ye shall be the butt of a joke at any given time.
24. All posts containing facts shall be declared to be rumor.
25. No one is in charge of the box.
25a. No one shall claim to speak for the Box, to represent the Box or to plan events on the Box's behalf. Boxians are welcome to plan events; the Box does not.
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office.
CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Don’t stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra thirty feet or so to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back later. Be careful not to become a Frequent Flyer. People may become suspicious if they see you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE: The fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you didn’t hear it. No one likes an escapee. It’s uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually the side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, don’t panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare them the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the Walk of Shame.
WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damned proud of it. The Out of the Closet Pooper can often be found entering the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always check to make sure the Out of the Closet Pooper is in the office before doing a Fly By.
SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This reduces the odds of someone entering the bathroom while pooping.
TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain seated in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you can avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover up a Watermelon or to scare off potential Turd Burglars.
ASTAIRE: A subtle toe tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is being used. If you hear an Astaire on a Fly By, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
Update: Do not use an Astaire at MSP airport unless you want company.
WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This can be very embarrassing. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See Camo Cough.
HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee or, even worse, a Jailbreak.
Apr 1, 2011, 6:32 pm
#85
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
Programs: UA MM *G, AA EXP, OW Emerald, Hyatt Globalist, Gold everywhere else
Posts: 833
Dare I finally step into the Box? I can see my productivity at work taking a nose-dive already. 
One wonders if #1 applies only to the current Box incarnation or if a full history lesson is required...
One wonders if #1 applies only to the current Box incarnation or if a full history lesson is required...
Apr 1, 2011, 7:05 pm
#87
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: SGF
Programs: AS, AA, UA, AGR S (former 75K, GLD, 1K, and S+, now an elite peon)
Posts: 23,194
x. I learned something today. That is not acceptable.Edited to add: upon further reflection, I actually didn't learn anything new. You just codified what every male (where I can speak authoritatively; I can't speak for the opposite sex) knows instinctively . Therefore, you are given a pass.
Last edited by jackal; Apr 1, 2011 at 7:11 pm