New to the Forum: Trip report from Cancun
 

Took a vacation with my wife to Cancun in Dec/Jan 2003/04- thought I'd share it with you :)

Trip details:
December 29th, 2003 to January 3rd, 2004
Hotel: Sheraton

Monday December 29th (Arrival)

Arriving to the airport at 7:45 AM for a 10:45 AM flight is about as fun as waking up in a bathtub with your kidneys removed but we were obedient to the security recommendations and got to the airport at the prescribed time. Once there, the security was tight from the recent Orange Alert but not burdensome. We were past the security and at the gate a good hour and forty five minutes in advance. Being the opportunist that I am, I spent the time convincing my wife to go to the desk to ask the attendant if we could have a free upgrade to business class or 1st class; I had watched a TV show where the reporter got hundreds of dollars of upgrades from simply asking. Lesson #1, don’t believe everything you see. Lesson #2, always get other people to test out your theorems first.

After an hours worth of waiting, the great influx of other passengers started filing into the gate. I wondered,”If the news and news outlets tell everyone to arrive at the airport 3 hours early, why is it seems like we were the only ones actually to follow that recommendation?” Our diligence was not rewarded: they boarded the plane by row numbers and the scofflaws in rows not called lined up anyway. Sigh- in the presence of increased airport rules, anarchy runs amok.

The Mexicana flight was nice and uneventful. I liked the fact that instead of the short drink cups that fit a thimblefull of fluid after the generous avalanche of ice that most airlines give you, Mexicana provided larger and taller cups with many generous refills. Besides that, a movie was playing but the steward never seemed to get around to us to sell us headphones. Oh well, lost revenue for them.

Upon our arrival I heeded all of the advice we were given about the hawkers at the airport; my wife put our heads down and powered through. Scylla and Charibdis called however and my wife was almost deceived to following off to one of the desks that called us to the Hades that is the vacation timeshare presentation. I relashed her to the mast and we proceeded to customs.

We were very pleased to get the green light going through customs (seasoned Mexican travellers know what that means I suppose). Upon getting out of the airport we looked for our transfer. I was looking forward to this because I’ve often seen the curious looking men with the signs beckoning strangers to their limo’s and shuttles. However I never had the priveledge to have my name emblazoned in importance on a paddle or sheet or signboard to welcome me. I looked. My wife looked. I looked again. My wife looked again. Our name was nowhere to be found. After taking out the email receipt and asking around, after 20 minutes or so we found our transfer: BestDay Tours. Apparently we were on a list but not a list worthy of consulting. We waited another 30 minutes for a critical mass of hotelgoers and were off to the Sheraton.

Tip #1- the Transfer: We booked with Cancun.com. While inexpensive (only $17 a person for a round trip transfer) you might experience the “get for you pay for” effect. They might not have your name displayed prominently or at all (as in our case). They WILL farm out your transfer to some shuttle service so while you are looking for Cancun.com you really ought to go back to your receipt and read what operator they shuttled you off to. Also, if your operator is BestDay like ours was, you don’t get your return transfer until you go to your in-hotel BestDay office where they welcome you and offer their services (tours, recommendations, offers for indentured service etc..). This presentation is harmless but it IS a presentation that gets you into their door to sell you more stuff. Reading to this point, you’ve probably discovered that I’m pretty good at saying “no” to being sold stuff I don’t want so I wasn’t fazed. Finally, $17/RT means waiting for more people to make the trip profitable for them. If you get frustrated while waiting just chant: “$17 vs. $50” over and over... it worked for me.

The Sheraton (towers section): Sigh, what shall I say? This Sheraton was a Sheraton in name but certainly not a Sheraton in standards. Whence did we sink so low, great hotel chain? The lobby was nice, the people were efficient, the restaurants looked pricey enough for the Sheraton name, but once you got to the rooms the facade was over. Dirty, broken fridge. Missing light bulb. Thermostat with broken cover exposing “Danger, High Voltage.” Peeling paint. Low water pressure. Dog-eared towels. Don’t pay more than $60 a night to stay here. I’m glad that we paid $0 with our hotel points (Starwood) for our 5 night stay but if I HAD paid for this room I would have been greatly upset. 5 star hotel? NAY!

Tip #2: The Hotel: Bring earplugs to Cancun! Almost without fail your hotel will have loud, marble hallways. We learned that this part of the Yucatan is rife with marble and other loud flooring materials. However the beasts that need to be hunted to produce nice, quiet carpet are all extinct. This produces hotels with only loud hallways. Our wonderful hall was populated by lads riding up and down the hall on their Razor scooters at early hours in the morning. What darlings!

First Night Dining:
We were famished and so we went across the street to La Isla Mall. We loved La Isla Mall- it was a haven of order and security. When we had no where to go to eat, we went to La Isla. When we didn’t want people pulling us to buy their wares we went to La Isla. When we felt like we wanted to sit on a bench and simply watch people, we went to La Isla. We are bad bad bad Americans who like the trappings of our culture in some secure intervals. We ate at the restaurant at the end of the Aquarium called the Dining something or other. What was nice was there was a shark tank that you could observe from your seat and you could watch the Dophins swim in their tank below.

After dinner we were still hungry so we went to Come and Eat (see Brant’s Card) and ate Second Dinner. It’s much like Second Lunch but.... well.. it’s dinner.

Tip #3 Food: I am 5ft 7in and 120 lbs but I have an appetite like an American. Yes, it’s shameful that we consume so much of the worlds resources but the fact is that we are now conditioned to vacuum up large amounts of food. In Cancun I have to say that 50% of the time I left restaurants thinking “when’s Second Lunch?” Or “when’s Second Dinner?” If you are a big beefy person expect to be even hungrier than I in Cancun. Order a couple of entree’s if need be (oh... maybe THAT’s what 2 for 1 card can do for you!)

Tip #4: The Check: The Mexican clock is much like the rest of the world’s in that it isn’t like the American clock. Apparently they’ll let you sit at your table and yak until you start sprouting roots without giving you the check. While polite in other parts of the world, for the American I suppose that it could be confusing (did they forget that I owe them money, shall I make a break for it?). Be prepared! When they clear your table and ask if there is anything else you want to eat- like desert or coffee, respond “No, just the check please.” Miss this prime opportunity and you will find yourself in the unenviable position of having to flag down the waiter whilst they are busy serving other, “active” tables.

Tip #5: Tipping: We found it strange at first, then we found it downright irritating. Upon presentation of the check, waiters 1) project the attitude that giving change for a large bill is something that is anathema and not done in polite cultures. 2) wait, vulture-like, for your completion of settling the bill, paying particular attention to how much you are tipping. What can you do? We found this to be the best practice: Figure out your bill and your tip before the bill comes- this is easy because most menus include tax in their items so it’s just a matter of adding up your items. When the check does come if you are paying with cash, put in the exact amount with tip. If you are paying with credit card, give your card, have the waiter return with the slip and immediately fill it out, having figured out the tip beforehand. DO NOT enter this situation without calculating the total and tip beforehand because then you just feel pressured and awkward as the waiter hovers over you. Don’t have exact change? We’ll get to the tip on how to collect enough change in further episodes!

After dining, we went to the ATM at La Isla Mall and then returned to our hotel room to get up for our first day. Called for a wake up call at 6:45 AM because the bus was going to take us to Xcaret at 7:30 the next day.

Tuesday December 30th (Day 1)

Ahhhh, Xcaret!
We woke up to my wife’s alarm at 6:30 AM and expected to have a wake up call at 6:45 AM. We didn’t get the wake up call until 7:00 AM and so we were glad that we didn’t only rely on only one source to provide for our timely departure.

We arrived downstairs at 7:25 AM. Brant’s email said that departure would be from 7:30 AM to 7:45 AM and to get there a few minute early. We found ourselves in a lobby full of people waiting for tours: Xcaret, Tulum, Chichen Itza, Isla Mujeres, etc... Sheraton was considerate enough to provide a large atruim totally bereft of any seating where tourists could get to know each other by complaining about standing, standing for long periods of time, and standing while waiting for shuttles and busses that were late. Those Sheraton people, so crafty!

We were picked up by our Grey Line operator. It was an easy transaction- he calls your name and you follow him to the bus. We thought initially that “being picked up at your hotel” meant that we would be picked up at our hotel and proceed to our destination. Silly us. “Being picked up your hotel” actually means that you are picked up at your hotel, delivered to an intermediate station where you pay and are divvied up into different busses going to their destinations. This did not bother us since we’re pretty easygoing. However it adds about an hour to your trip, so be prepared.

Tip #6: The Tours: Be on time! Wait exactly where your concierge tells you to wait! If you are taking a Grey line tour, expect to be picked up at your hotel, delivered to an intermediate station where you pay, and then divided into different busses which will then actually take you to your destination. For Xcaret we got to the park at about 10:00 AM after leaving at 7:30 from our hotel.

Xcaret: We liked Xcaret. There was a load of stuff to see and do. We loved the fact that there was an easy map to follow and, once out of the main pavillion, it seemed pretty easy and not terribly crowded.

Our strategy was “See and then Do.” So first we went to see all of the stuff that we wanted to see:
The Aviary was great. This was where we were first impressed by the proximity that they let you have to the animals. Birds are almost in your reach and there is a deer at the entrance that actually IS in your reach to pet if you’d like.
The Butterfly Pavilion: Very impressive. You’re in a net covered building with plants and a waterfall filled with Butterflies. It was here when we started to see that the Mexican culture is much more orderly and gentle than our own. If in the US, we were sure that the butterfly pavilion would be filled with smashed butterflies. Here in Mexico, not a smashed bug in sight.
Aquarium, manatees, puma, jaguars, TURTLES: Again, we went crazy seeing all of these wonderful animals SO up close. We loved the turtles especially since there were so many and they were so lively.

By the time we SAW everything that we wanted to see: Monkeys, turtles, manatees, bats, crocs, etc etc etc. we were exhausted and stopped to eat. We searched out and ate at La Cocina. Great food in good amounts, reasonable price, BIG drinks. It was a warm day so we appreciated taking a break.

After lunch it was getting late: about 2:30 PM. We were so tired by this time that we decided against the “doing” part of the trip. Instead of taking the river trip (which was impressing us less and less as we saw it from above- it looked kind of uneventful and dirty) we walked to the beach, observed the turtle feeding and dolphins doing tricks just long enough for the night show.

At 5:30 PM we headed off the night show. It was heralded by our tour operator as “not to be missed.” OK- call me a cultureless Philistine but I could have easily missed this and felt oddly ahead of the game. The show opens with a mock game of Pok-to-Pok (is that right) which is somehow unfulfilling because the guys had limited time so it was clear that they weren’t competing with one another... they were helping each other score so that we could see what it looked like when someone scored (imagine watching a soccer game where both teams helped one another get it into the goal and you’ll have about the picture). Then there was the really only scintillating part of the show- they turned off the lights and played a game of street hockey with a ball that was on fire. Now THAT was interesting. For me, light something on fire and hit it with sticks and you have my attention.

After that the show went on to a cultural celebration of the different dance styles that came from different regions in Mexico. My wife pretended to be interested for my sake for about 45 minutes. I pretended to be interested for her sake for the same amount of time. At the end we turned to each other and said: Are you interested in this? We both replied that we were about at the point where we might chose suicide over staying any longer. We exited.

We felt 10 times worse for the kind Canadian couple seated next to us. They were told that the Night Show was not to be missed either. They were so convinced that they paid the full $42 admission fee and came into the park just for the show. At the time my wife and I were having our epiphany, they also turned to us and said, “Thank goodness, we felt like we were the only ones.” They left promptly with us.

Tip #7: Xcaret Night Show: Unless you are REALLY into the traditional dance of the Mexican people, the night show really IS to be missed. It was LONG. Oh... it was LONG.

We returned to our bus at the designated 8:15 departure and waited until 9 PM to really get going: other tourists a never nearly as punctual. We returned to our hotel by 10:00 PM and found ourselves once again hungry. At 10:00 PM all cultural considerations fly out the door and you seek quick, reliable sustainance: McDonalds. This is our McDonald’s story as related to Brant- the seller of the 2-for-1 card (do a search on "Brant", "2-for-1" and I'm sure you'll find it) (actually I got the details wrong with Brant because I told him it was after our third day that we went to McD’s but it was after our first!):

Quote:
We were famished and we had planned to forego our regular cultural culinary excursion for a quick bite to eat at Mickey D's at La Isla Mall across the street. By the time
we were there, we were ready for some kind of sustainance. I took out the
2 for 1 card and the employee said that they didn't take the card. I
subsequently took out the map that the 2 for 1 card provides and showed
him that their McDonald's was prominently listed as a place that took the
card. The employee continued to insist and even brought the manager. The
manager then affirmed that their establishment did not accept the 2 for 1
card. Frustrated by that time (what could we do?) we left the restaurant
("It's a matter of principle," I told my wife.) Anyway, another 20
minutes of searching for food took us to Johnny Rockets just before they
closed.


So we ended the day with a Johnny Rocket’s Burger and went to sleep in preparation for the next day

Wednesday, December 31st (Day 2)

Day 2 was much more relaxing than day 1 since we had just about fell into a coma after the long day at Xcaret and the battle with the clown at McDonald’s (no, not Ronald, we like Ronald- he has a nice house).

We woke late and took a leisurely morning in the hotel room. This was our “shopping day”- I schedule one every trip I take with my wife so that we can pick up knick-knacks to take back home to friends who haven’t been so fortunate as to enjoy the sun and sand of exotic destinations (and what better to make them envious then a shot glass or refridgerator magnet?).

Mercado 28 was our goal and the bus was our means. Having heard of the “rush rush” mentality of the bus drivers, I didn’t want to bother with fiddling with bills and having them make change so we went to La Isla mall across the street. We thought that having patonized this establishment, they would be more than ready to accomodate tourists with making change. Little did we know that making change for tourists is as odious for people in this country as a pig stampede in Israel. Not a soul would break a 50 peso bill. My wife and I conjectured that there was an ongoing conspiracy throughout the culture: if they don’t make change, then tourists will be trapped with large bills with which they must pay their dinner checks. Since waiters don’t make change either, then people must over tip. That over tipping then makes it way back into the economy and every Mexican is enriched. I’m sure that there are monthly communiques that go out to make sure that everyone stays in step with the party line.

Well, frustrated, I returned to the hotel (a 2 minute walk, don’t cry for me.. ummm... Mexico). I figured, if no one else would make change, then the hotel would. After all, I’m staying for five nights with them gratis, they must be enamored with my patronage. Getting to the registration desk I ask for change and the clerk smiles at me condescendingly:”Change for the bus? For a 50 peso note? The bus driver will gladly give you change!” Feeling foolish, my wife and I board the Route 1 bus, hand over the 50 peso bill and in less time than it takes you to say “Mexican conspiracy” we had our 38 peso’s in change (and two tickets which turn out simply to be worthless advertisements for local businesses!)

Tip #8: Change: Get change from the bus guys. These are men who are trained expertly in two skills: instilling fear through their driving and rapidly making change. Keep that change. Cherish that change. Hoard that change. This change will help TREMENDOUSLY in settling your bill in cash to your own satisfaction (see Tip #5) and will help you not become enbittered against the countrywide conspiracy to keep change out of your hands.

The Bus Trip. My attitude toward traveling in foreign countries is to always let other tourists look like they don’t know what they’re doing before revealing my own ignorance. From stop to stop, I watched for signs of some large market, waiting to get off. With each stop, I broke into a little bit more of a sweat; we could have passed our destination 5 stops ago but I didn’t want to show the fact that I had no idea where this “mercado” place was. Then, thankfully, the VERY American family behind us (they were virtually all in braids) started talking to another tourist group and verified that the Mercado was only in 2 stops. Inward relief! We got off at exactly the right place.

The American family in braids (as they will henceforth be referred to as) darted in front of us as we left the bus. Consistent with my strategem, we walked leisurely behind. My wife, unaware of how I made my way around foreign settings took the pace as a sign of confidence instead of insecurity. Up ahead, the American family in braids crossed a street. However, right at the intersection, they kept going forward while a sign clearly pointed to take a right turn to get to the Mercado. What to do, what to do? Shall I obey the sign or continue with my “follow the other tourists” methodology. Could the sign be a red herring, leading scores of innocent victims instead to a dingy corridor of timeshare hawkers and other predators? I opted to break with the American family in braids and follow the sign.

One block.
Two blocks.

Again, I began to sweat (this is literal, it was a hot day). There was no sign of a Mercado, although I had never seen one before I thought that I would know one when I saw it, smelled it or heard it. But salvation lay not too far ahead, a second sign saying Mercado 28- I am glad that I am a praying man! After the sign more indications of life emerged, Mercado 28 awnings, people hawking goods, timeshare presenters.. we were there! The holy grail of flea markets!

We spent a good hour and a half shopping at Mercado 28 and then ate at one of the restaurants in the center. It was a nice time since we didn’t really spend much money- in fact I think we bought less than $20 US of stuff. We spent the bulk of the time looking for a set of glasses and pitcher for my wife’s co-worker, the kind with the clear glass and blue rim.

Leaving the Mercado was much more difficult. You get turned around a whole lot in that place (if you can’t exit, their logic is, then you must buy... twisted but it actually seemed to work!). We tried one side, then another and then a third. Having narrowed it down, I recognized some landmarks and we had found our escape. We headed back to our dropoff.

What’s that in the distance? WalMart? If you are the kind of person that loves bargain shopping in other countries, then you are the kind of person that can’t resist a WalMart. We trudged over to the WalMart and found that WalMarts all over the world are the same- EXACTLY the same. We loaded up on drinks (APPLE SODA! NEAT!) and looked for the infamous blue rimmed glass and pitcher set. GUESS WHAT, we found the glasses at HALF the PRICE (and twice the quality) than we had seen them anywhere (including Mercado 2. We scooped them up to wonder about how were were going to transport them home later.

Tip #8: Mercado 28 A) It is NOT visible from the bus stop, follow the signs and not other tourists. Other tourists have their braids pulled too tight and are probably suffering from some sort of brain-starving hypoxia. B) We didn’t bargain with the shopkeepers. You may and you will probably save a few dollars. We felt wrong doing this (it IS a moral decision you have to make) since a dollar or two for them means far more than for us. These people are certainly not living a lifestyle anything near what we do. C) Know that 99% of what is being sold in Mercado 28 is made by little Chinese children with bleeding hands. Bobbing turtles are found in every trinket market in every tourist destination from Juneau to Sun City. Don’t leave with dillusions that these are handmade crafts by the impoverished Mayans. D) If you want a deal, know that WalMart all over the world comes in and undercuts everyone in every country- there are no exceptions. E) Gotta get back to the Hotel Zone? The bus stop ISN’T just across the street. Ask around- we walked a good 1/2 KM to get to the bus stop.

Heading back to our hotel, we stopped off at the Hard Rock Cafe since my stepmother is a collector of HRC Pins. We shopped a bit more and headed back to the hotel. In the hotel we were somehow caught up by the movie playing on showtime and the soft pillows on the bed (we don’t have cable at home) and lazed until late afternoon. Late afternoon found us looking for a place to swim but after walking around outside for a good 45 minutes, we found all of the pools to be too cold, partly because the wind was blowing with gale force. We settled on looking at our “on site ruins” which the Sheraton is so proud of and found a couple crossing the barriars and climbing all over the antiquities- WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE? Disgusted we searched for dinner (disgust, anger, happiness... they all fuel my appitite)

For dinner we crossed the street (I HAVE mentioned how we like La Isla Mall before, yes? 3 times? 5 times? ... well we like it) and used the 2 for 1 card at Come and Eat! I got the chicken Kabob and my wife got something else (forgot). I DO remember however that after our meal, we were on the prowl very quickly for second dinner (Come and Eat portions are very small). Come and Eat was closing so we couldn’t get a dessert there and the mall was quickly shutting down so we got some ice cream bars from one of the 7-11 type places. We sat and people watched while we feasted on our frozen delights.

We then returned to our room and slept, preparing for day 3!

Thursday, January 1st (Day 3)

Day three was a reprise of Day 2 in the sense that we didn’t have a tour scheduled or any kind of solid plan for the day except for the hope of seeing fishies up close through a snorkel mask. To that end, our destination was Point Nizuc outside of the Club Med.

We had a lazy, late start and got to the lobby of the Sheraton around 10:50 AM. As guests of the Sheraton we were entitled to a free shuttle to the Westin which was supposed to leave at 11:00 AM. We learned that the shuttle runs once every two hours- apprently the driver is not a hard-working bloke because the drive itself takes about 10 minutes there and back. Perhaps he is the same Sheraton employee resposible for replacing lightbulbs, painting chipped walls, and replacing thermostats? Regardless, the shuttle was supposed to be there at 11:00 AM.

True to form, I eavesdropped on another tourist couple and their interaction with the concierge. Apprently since it was New Year’s Day and everything runs 20 minutes later on New Year’s day (some sort of Mayan ritual I’m sure), the shuttle was due to leave at 11:20 AM instead of the posted 11:00 AM: the driver refused to take one load of people at the scheduled 11:00, drop them off, and be back just in time for a second load of people at 11:20 AM- perhaps the hotel would have to pay the employee double for doing twice as much work (again, the ride to the Westin couldn’t be more than 20 minutes round trip).

Frustrated by the inconsistency in the schedule, our tourist friend stormed off. We, less frustrated yet now informed, followed to the bus stop where we were now bus taking professionals. We knew the speed, we knew the penchant for drivers to try to find how many tourists they might topple in a well placed braking maneuver, we knew to dispose of the faux tickets without a second glance. We did not, however, know exactly where the Westin was. Much like the day before, I sought to rely upon the ignorance of other tourists before revealing my own. Southward we rode- past one stop after another. I could have sworn that the Westin was around here somewhere... Stop after stop went by.

Finally there were no other tourists to rely upon- the bus was nigh deserted. I was imagining that the bus driver was about to stop the bus and inquire just where we all might want to go because the next stop was his house and we weren’t welcome to stay the night. But just before my worst fears were realized, the bus began turning: a U-turn right at the Westin!

We jumped out and headed through the hotel and down the beach. Much like every other day we were in Cancun, the wind was howling. It was still mild in terms of temperature, but it was more of a kite-flying day than it was one to loll on the beach. Still, we headed past pasty white Americans baking to a nice even crimson en route to the prominent point to the south.

What is difficult as one walks the beach in Cancun is getting one’s bearings. There are few signs on the seaward side of hotels announcing which hotel is which. I had a sense that we had arrived at the snorkeling spot- an area protected by a reef lay just south of the promontory that jutted into the sea. However, it was sparsely attended; there were only 3 or 4 snorkelers. It was almost deserted and it was midday. My wife and I had doubts that this could be THE place to snorkel from the beach in Cancun if there were so few participants- however we did recognize that it was a windy day AND New Year’s day at that. The snorkeler’s could all be hibernating in a post New Year’s Eve stupor.

Curious, we started toward the closest property to find out if it was, indeed, the Club Med. Nicely manicured grounds let to a central lobby guarded by a security guard. My wife was unfamiliar with Club Med or any other all-inclusive resorts and their police-state practices and so she continued to saunter into the lobby. I knew, however, that Big Brother inhabited these kinds of environments and that we were due for confrontation if our wrists didn’t bear the mark of the Beast. Projecting thoughts like: “Let the droids pass” and “I am not interested in these beachgoers”, I was convinced that we got into the lobby unnoticed. Once in, we were drawn to our prize- a great big wall map of the area which clearly denoted that we were in the Club Med and the cove we looked out at formerly was the famous snorkeling spot.

Without letting my wife know our predicament, I mentioned that we had gotten our information and now could leave. We headed for the door, and once out, I felt the Eye upon us. The Eye followed us and The Feet too! I walked faster. I felt the weight of the Eye travel down, down, down... to my wrist! I picked up the pace and pulled my wife along. We were 15 paces from the beach! 14! 13! 12! 10! 8!

“Excuse me, Sir!”
My heart sank to the words just like they did the last time I was pulled over for driving 46 in a 40 MPH zone. I was searching for my license and registration in my swim trunks when the security guard caught up to us. “Do you belong to Club Med?” I explained how we were just strolling along the beach and came up to “Check out” the resort (and it’s map bwahahahhah!). He kindly reminded us that the beach was public property but that he would have to ask us to stay off of the Club Med property. For some reason I imagined reaching the beach and touching my foot back on the Club Med property, and then off, and then on, and then off again just to torment him. We were, after all, clearly headed off of the property in a flurry of guilt by the time he caught up with us.

It was probably noon by the time I set my feet in the water and probably 12:20 by the time I worked up enough courage to submerge myself completely. On wading in, I could see a large fish (8 inches or so) camping out only a foot or so from me. I put my head in with my mask and saw that it was a nicely colored blue and black fish with many small minnow-like fish in a school around it. Encouraged, I dove in and saw many many more fish. Certainly this wasn’t Hanauma Bay in Maui which looks like a stocked aquarium, but there was plenty to see. My wife had opted out of the snorkeling for the role of cheerleader and so I ran out of the water to report my findings. Periodically I ran into the water, and then out to report, then back in for more fish-gazing. The find of the day was one of those gigantic fish that you see in the aquariums- 3 or 3 and a half feet long and VERY large. It was feeding on something 10 feet away which was good because large wildlife up close has a tendency to freak me out, especially when it can swim faster then I can.

Tip #9:From the beach Snorkeling: It IS true that there is good snorkeling from the beach just outside of the Club Med. You can reach this beach by the #1 bus traveling as far south as possible. Jump off where the bus turns around; this is not a LEGAL stop, there is no bus stop sign. However, as you might now know, the bus drivers in Mexico aren’t sticklers for the minutae of the law. They, like super-powered do gooders, are above the law and play by their own rules. Still, jump from the bus quickly and when you want to return to your destination, you may hail the bus from the selfsame spot. Once you have exited the bus, proceed into and through the Westin, to the beach, and southward. Once the beach ends, climb over the rocks on the provided path and you will find youself looking out at a large expanse of ocean which are protected by breakers- this is the snorkeling spot. If you choose to go and double check if this is THE snorkeling spot you may proceed to Club Med’s lobby. However, if you do, strategically drape a towel over your wrist, walk quickly, and project Jedi mind games into the thoughts of any passing security guards.

Finishing our snorkeling adventure we headed to the Westin pool; don’t worry, we dutifully showered ourselves with their convenient foot showers (showers, for FEET!) before entering the pool. After a quick dip we felt the pangs of hunger. Unfortunately, the only restaurant that was open for business at the Westin was their uberexpensive outdoor buffet. We wanted something lighter where we wouldn’t feel ripped off for eating less than our weight in food. We headed back to the bus.

If you’ve been keeping track up to this point, you know that we are a thrifty couple. On a recent time-share vacation (where we didn’t buy) the time share presenter asked us what our interests were. Almost simultaneously we answered: we like to save money. This, of course, was an obstacle for our neophyte salesperson: how to sell an overpriced “vacation ownership” program to a couple that says that they like to save money? Their strategy was to convince us that SPENDING money on a vacation ownership package was actually saving money. Not taken by their wiley tactics (spending money does not, in fact, ever mean that you are saving it... maximizing perhaps, but not saving), we sent our presenters scurrying off in precisely the 60 minutes that we promised to give them.

This being said, our choice for our late lunch was obvious- we headed to OK McGueys for our 2 for 1 card again. Of course, getting to McGuey’s meant walking into and through the Plaza Kulkulkan mall and more shopping. It is here that we found the matching pitcher to my wife’s Wal-Mart glasses: JACKPOT! Now we had a whole set to give to my wife’s dear co-worker.

OK McGuey’s was a great dining experience: my wife had the Coconut Shrimp (it was served in a cantaloupe for some reason but this didn’t disturb us) and I had some kind of fish- I forgot what it was called but it was supposedly a famous local dish.. something like Xiric or Kixic or Xic or something or other with an X in it. It was good too. While we were waiting we became acquainted with the local practice of selling patrons products with their digital picture on it. The salesman was a gentleman who spoke very quickly and enthusiastically about having a keepsake of our wonderful trip- our faces on a label on a flask of tequila or something of the sort. It was nice to learn that if you refuse politely, these salespeople are kind enough to back away without more pressure. Of course, in this instance it could have been my Jedi mind tricks at work once more.

After lunch we continued to peruse the mall and then walked back to the Sheraton. I had promised my wife that the walk wasn’t too bad and, chanting to myself “I’m saving 60 cents” the walk turned out to be quite fulfilling.

We lazed about again in our room, this time tired again from the day of trudging along beach, laying in the sun, swimming, and watching fish. To my recollection the next major activity was looking for food again! Ah- this is the life, living from meal to meal with short spurts of doing nothing in between! We settled on going to Casa de las Margaritas in La Isla Mall across the street again- on our first night our Best Day tour operator gave us a coupon for a free Margarita with our meal and we thought we’d take advantage of it.

Upon arriving at CDLM we found out that the place was wildly popular, people were lined up and aggressively positioning like kindergarteners lining up for recess. Our wait was supposed to be 30 minutes so we went back out to the mall. Our mall time was spent on a mission to find a “big bag for the pitcher and glasses (BBFTPAG)” so that we could take this newly bought burden onto the plane. We effectively spied out all of the stores for what my wife calls “large handle bags” and hit them one by one. I anticipated trouble getting a BBFTPAG for free- back in the US I would imagine that a sales clerk would simply bark at someone, telling them to buy something if they wanted a BBFTPAG. Here, my wife circled, looking for something to buy. But in the end she simply went for the direct kill- she walked up to the counter of the Guess? store and asked for a bag. Given a small bag at first, I saw her shake her head and point at one of the larger bags! What BOLDNESS! I believe she scored the BBFTPAG simply out of utter shock from the clerks- they didn’t know what to do with such a blatant request and decided to simply hand over the bag (who knows what this woman is capable of NEXT!).

We proceeded to dinner, which was really quite tremendous. CDLM is a great restaurant that caters to tourist types like ourselves: there is live entertainment, there is lively decor, the waiters and waitresses are attentive, and the dishes are quite filling. And, as a couple that is thrifty, we love it when an establishment gives you more than what you expect: as you remember, we came to CDLM because we had a “free margarita” coupon. Both my wife aren’t drinkers but we thought that we would at least get that one virgen drink on the house. We were overwhelmed when the nice lady told us that our coupon would be good for a drink for EACH of us! My wife got a peach flavor and I got strawberry- YUM!

We ordered the restaurant’s “couple plate”, a sizzling platter of fajita’s for two. So completely fulfilling, neither my wife nor I longed for Second Dinner. We ate and ate while being entertained by mariachi’s, dancer’s with bottles on their heads, and a couple of old guys playing the equivalent of a wooden vibraphone. What more could a patron ask for?

Ending the evening, we once again strolled La Isla Mall and retired to our hotel for the next day of exploring Chichen Itza!

Friday, January 2nd (Day 4)

Ahh Chichen Itza! We were looking forward to this day- we had actually wanted to do Chichen Itza on the first day and Xcaret on the 3rd, but due to New Year’s Day and scheduling problems, we had to leave this trip to the end. We settled that the plans that we were forced into actually the best- the tours were supposed to be strength-sapping on the level of Kryptonite.

Like the first day, we woke to my wife’s cel phone and then to the morning hotel wakeup call. Now pro’s at tour taking (generally you ought to be a pro at something if you’ve done it once), we were out of our room and downstairs waiting patiently for our Grey Line tour. This time, instead of fretting and sweating about whether or not we were going to connect with our tour, instead of darting inside and outside to make sure we were waiting in the right place, we kept our cool and loitered in the chairless Sheraton lobby- confident that when our number was up, the man with our names would call us. Everything worked out as expected and we were in the Grey Line bus, to the head of the line at the transfer point, and back to our new Chichen bus in no time. Smooth as butter... or margarine... or whatever heart healthy alternative you have to use to keep your circulatory system from clogging up like a plumber’s nightmare.

We were soon on the road with our guide, Antonio and our bus driver, Antonio. Antonio was tremendously well versed in history and culture and seemed to be authentically Mayan. He spoke Mayan it seemed, and cared for the Mayan people. However, when another tour operator passed our group and called him “Tony” he lost a bit of that “Hey we’re talking to a real native of the Yucatan” feeling.

Along our 2 and a half hour trip route, Antonio pointed out the important historical details of the area and the people of the area. About 2 hours in, we slowed down as we passed through a town on the way to the site and Antonio pointed out significant buildings and facts. Nothing struck me as particularly profound and I settled on the fact that our dealing in this town was that we had to slow down to take a turn and Antonio took the opportunity to explain some history along the way.

About 20 minutes out from CI, we stopped at Antonio called a “cooperative.” According to Antonio, the Yucatan was hit by a severe hurricane many years back and the Mayans all wanted to move out of the area since everything was destroyed and better education and opportunities existed elsewhere. To keep the people on the land and to help sustain them, a bargain was struck with the Mexican government to open these cooperatives where tourists would be required to visit. This was, of course, an extended explanation for why our bus was stopping at this cooperative.

At the cooperative we found many many high priced items all of which we looked at and thought: “Why on earth would we ever buy that?” There were rugs (“I’m sure we could fit that in the carry on”), native masks (“that would go well in the bathroom- NOT!) and the famous “cartouches”- pendants with our names fired on in the native Mayan hieroglyphic language system (apparently a syllabary). The process for the cartouches was interesting; again, involve fire, melting metal with your fingers close to the flame, and ... once again FIRE, and you have my attention. However this was one of those things where the making of the thing is far more interesting than the thing itself- like popcorn or roasted marshmallows or puzzles we observed but were underwhelmed with the finished product. So we stood watching this amazing show of artisanship (and did I mention FIRE?) while others paid for our entertainment. That kind of arrangement made us quite happy.

The free cartouche-making demonstration and passable toilets made the stop at the cooperative a very agreeable experience. One last experience at the cooperative completed our satisfaction with the place. Upon first entering the place, we were immediately set upon by a bevy of Mayan men plying their wares. I am Asian. My wife is Asian. We are not large people. Among Asians we are not even tall- so among a race of small people, we are far from giants; we’re quite average at 5’7” and 5’2” (umm, let’s make it clear that I’M the 5’7” one, ok?). However, when we entered to cooperative, we felt much like Gulliver must have among the Lilliputians: here was a whole culture that never reached the fruit from the tallest branches or used a regular height urinal. Most were up to my chest.

Call me mean or prejudiced or just plain bad. Still, the feeling of being, well, Caucasian, was quite nice for a few minutes- here I was standing head and shoulders above the whole staff. I felt a need to subdue and dominate and exercise my newfound stature. However, propriety dictated that I forego my Godzilla like tendencies and urgency dictated that I find the restroom at once. While short lived, the feeling of bigness certainly was an added benefit to our stop.

After about 40 minutes, we re-bussed (like replane is to deplane is debus is to rebus.. rebus? suber? brues?) and we were off to our Chichen Itza Lunch at the Chichen Itza Hotel.

In no time we were unloading and receiving tickets for food. Hustled through a hotel lobby we found ourselves on a nice patio with counters of food all around and practically no one else in sight! Apparently Antonio (the bus driver, not the guide) had made our trip post haste and beaten all other tours to the punch (literally) and our bus was the first at the buffet. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, we promptly attacked the buffet and were the first one’s in line.

An odd buffet: there were cultural favorites: the lime soup, the pulled pork, the chicken. However there was also spaghetti and hot dogs and everything else you could think of from Hometown buffet. We went the ethnic route largely (except for that one hot dog chaser my wife wanted at the end) and had the pork and the lime soup. I love lime and so the lime soup was my favorite; after all, how often do they make a soup out of one of YOUR favorite fruits? (banana soup anyone? apple consomme? orange chowder?)

After lunch I had to go to the bathroom. Earlier Antonio (our guide, not the bus driver) had told us that the bus bathroom was not for “long distance calls, if you know what I mean.” For some reason we all knew what he meant but didn’t know why in the world we understood. The logic of the metaphor defied us and yet it was either brilliance on his part that commuicated on a “meta-logical” level or simply the fact that “long” clearly meant that we ought not to think of any integers above the number 1.

Anyway- I had been holding it since the bus because I had been thinking of some high level math in respect to the bathroom. Now, in the hotel I thought that my time and opportunity had come. I set out to answer nature’s call and told my wife to meet up with the tour group in the lobby. Rushing through the hotel I scrambled for the bathroom. Eureka, a sign! I headed for the Caballerito’s room (yes, I managed with this level of Spanish the whole time! Miracles of miracles!). I rushed each stall- apparently the buffet had not agreed with many a patron and they took it out on the plumbing in every one of the three toilets. All three were backed up, I was denied satisfaction!

Now, when travelling, one needs any number of kinds of endurance. One needs patience with people. One needs physical endurance to walk and hike and accomplish whatever feats of strength that are scheduled. However one dimension of endurance that simply is not heralded enough is one’s abililty to stretch one’s body’s natural urges until a more appropriate time. This was one of those times. Going into a deep trancelike state, I called upon a lifelong worth of training and preparation which led to this moment. I could hear Antonio (the guide, not the bus driver) calling in the distance. I denied my body and thought happier thoughts to endure the next 8 hours.

We were given our Chichen Itza wristbands and made off to the historic site- surprisingly only about 40 paces away. On the way, however, we needed one more commercial announcement. This time it wasn’t cartouches but what Antonio called “Mayan calendars.” After hearing the explanation of what these were, my wife and I figured that these in fact were not calendars at all, rather they were simply pieces of paper with a date you specified written down on a piece of vellum. Since the process of making them involved neither danger or fire, we abstained.

Once in the park, Antonio (the guide, not the bus driver) proved himself tremendously knowledgeable. He explained the discovery of the site, the history of the people, the intricate details of all of the buildings. The site tour itself could either be seen as boring or exciting- depending on one’s own imagination of what life was like in the past, of how exhilarating it must have been for the excavators, or how difficult it must have been for the Mayan’s to align their structures in the way that they did. On excitement scale, I would rank it a 6.5 to 7 on a scale of one to ten.

We were taken to a few principal sites: a cenote, the observatory, the ball field and then (of course) the Temple of Kukulkan. By the end of the tour it was about 3:30 PM. Our bus met at 5:00PM and the interior of the temple opened at 4:00PM. The “must do” activity came first: we had to climb the temple.
Climbing the temple looks like child’s play at first: Why? Probably because there are children playing up and down the thing. However once you get on those 91 stairs a touch of vertigo does set in. We started up on the side with the rope because my wife felt more comfortable with the rope somewhere in her vicinity. However that middle track was crowded with people making it more dangerous than actually being away from the rope. I imagined a domino effect with one large person at the top snowballing into a mass of humanity at the bottom- smashing small people at the bottom like a rolling pin on puff pastry (by this time I was a little hungry again).

After stopping midway once or twice, we were at the top of the famed structure. I understand the government’s desire to preserve the structure and the authenticity. However, it seemed like there was very little regard for human life. People at the top clung to the walls for their lives. Only those with little regard for their loved ones or very large life insurance policies strolled nonchalantly around the edge. The rest of us gripped the sides like so many spidermen (and women - there WAS one you know).

The novelty of being at the top wore off in about ten minutes and we struggled down. I went down sideways- sidestepping. My wife came down by scooting down face forward. Many people opted to do this making the staircase look like one large caterpiller inching itself along.

Once at the bottom, we were ready to see the famed statue in the interior. There was a jade eye, they said. It was like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, they said. It was not to be missed, they said (this should have sent alarms off in my head already). We waited for the doors to open at 4:00. Little did we know that we were to be shuffled through like so much inventory (was it FIFO or LIFO? yes... FIFO). 5. 10. 15 minutes went by and the doors were open. Wait, that’s a mistake, did I say DOORS? No, the DOOR was open.

Getting into the temple was passing through they eye of a needle. Actually it was like passing through an eye of a needle, walking up 61 or so stairs as small as that eye, getting to your destination and turning back THROUGH that same eye. That’s right, to get to the famed statue, one had to go into a 4 foot (maybe) wide space, up about 60 stairs (again, about 4 feet wide) WHILE people were coming down and then come back down and out. All the while, the place is hot, smells like sweat and is poorly lit. One imagines that at the top it would open up to some maginificent ampitheater filled with treasures. No. No. No. No. At the top it opens up to a 4 by 6 foot space filled with people clamoring to see past a metal grating (who’s holes are far too tight to see very much) where across sits a statue with a small jade eye. The statue can’t be more than 5 or 6 feet across. No special lighting. No audio tour explaining the artifact. No period music. Just the statue and a whole BUNCH of people saying under their breaths (which are panting by now because of the climb), “That’s IT?”

Tip #10: Interior of the Temple of Kukulkan: We skipped seeing a whole bunch of stuff to go see the silly statue inside: the cenote, a chance to use the bathroom again, other structures. Stay outside. Enjoy your freedom. Breathe the air. If you are some sort of archaelogy buff, you might want to go see this thing. If not, you will be dissappoited. Oh yes, you WILL be dissappointed. (and on a hot day, you might add that you’ll be slightly broiled on top of being dissappointed).

Emerging from the belly of the Temple, we rushed to our bus and got there just in time to wait another half hour for those stragglers who come on the bus and say: “OH we were supposed to be here at 5:00?” Only to be answered by discontent grumbles and imagined plots of unpleasant deaths.

My wife and I looked forward to the fact that Antonio (the guide AND the bus driver) seemed to have brought a movie for us to watch on the ride back. We looked foward perhaps to seeing one of the many Oscar nominated films that we had missed in years past. Perhaps it would be light family fare for the mixed group we were carrying. No such luck: Antonio (yes both of them apparently) had a taste for the macabre and brought Event Horizon, a 1997 horror stinker that mixed sci-fi with the occult and an embarrassingly bad plot and script that won the producers wide disdain. The movie actually made the trip LESS bareable and longer. Sam Neill, stick to the dinosaurs is all I gots to say.

We arrived back at our hotel at a decent hour- probably something like 8:45 or 9:00. If you remember, this was a fantastic homecoming for me- I had been holding my natural urges for the last 8 hours approxiamately and the sense of relief was nigh heavenly. After, we showered and strategized concerning dinner. Ahhh- the 2 for 1 card ONE more time! Yes, in the span of 4 days we used the 2 for one card for 2 tours (CI and Xcaret), and 2 meals (OK Magueys and Come and Eat! [we would have made it three at that point but for the stubborness of McDonalds]). Now we searched out our 3rd 2 for1 experience: Y Latina.

Once there, the dining experience was very nice. On the water, Y Latina offers great dinners at a very reasonable price (especially at 2 for 1! Muhahahha!). The speed of the service was okay and everyone seemed aimed at pleasing. Perhaps it was the fact that we were some of the only business there.

After dinner we headed back to La Isla for a dessert at Come and Eat! YAY, we finally got that Peach dessert my wife had her eye on the whole trip. We sat down and ate it by the fountain, and tourist watched.

Wow, what a detailed report! Thanks for all the time you put into this. It seems as though we missed several things on our trip to Cancun, that I can now plan on for another time. I wish I had 1/10th of your memory!

wonderful report!

^^^ Thanks for writing this wonderfully humerous trip report!

Terrific, funny report! I laughed all the way through. Thanks so much for sharing it!

still valid Cancun stuff!
 

Huh. I thought I was a low count lurker but goodby1 wins. Five very detailed Cancun trip report posts six years ago and then nothing more.

For Cancun trip planners using the general search function, know that much of the goodby1 reports are still valid Cancun stuff as of late May-early June 2011. I'd add that the good snorkeling spot described is now a Mexican National Underwater park. They want you to take a boat from the lagoon, paying the Mexican Park tax as part of your outing but the boat simply heads to the spot described and the walk via bus stop through Sheraton Regina and around Club Med still works.

A couple more points:

:-: The Talum / Xel Ha trip is nice but Xel Ha is expensive -- there are better ways to spend your money. You might opt for Talum only unless you have kids. Xel Ha is like a kids theme park.

:-: A tour company called Translamex sells trips at the Intercontinental Presidente but doesn't tell you that their trips are budget trips with a lower cost subsidized by a mandatory stop at a tourist trap store en route to your destination! The forced 30 minutes looking at Mexican handicrafts wasn't really too bad but not knowing makes it seem scammy. I complain about Translamex for that funky business model but if you do take their Chichen-itza tour hope you are lucky enough to get on the bus with Simon Chavez, Guia de Turistas (Offical Mexican Government Tourist Guide). He was non-stop talkative (in five languages simultaneously!) and made the bus ride educational and entertaining. If you aren't on a budget you might call him directly; he does private tours. I liked him as a docent so much I asked for his card and permission to post on the internet:

Simón Chávez Flores, Guia de Turistas
Cred. Secretaria de Turismo No. 04073
e-mail: [email protected]
Cel. 998 184-30-64

:-: For airport shuttle service I found Bestday.com via FT and was very happy with their service. We purchased the round trip ticket via their website www.bestday.com a couple days before our trip and it worked out perfectly, with the driver asking for us at the Hyatt lobby ten minutes before our scheduled pick-up time for a return to the Cancun airport.