AA Atlantic FIRST
 

Once again, I feel myself compelled to inform the previously non-conversant public of the incredible degradation that my dignity had to endure upon my latest American Airlines flight. Firstly my privacy was violated by a rather forceful and over enthusiastic TSA official, whom seemed intent on touching me in every place possible. I realise that Americans are paranoid but this is just obsessive perversion. After I had composed myself, by way of a few G&T’s in the Flagship Lounge I was ready to board American Airlines flight 100 departing at 6:30pm.

After a rather pleasant boarding ceremony, complete with the forced smile of the constipated air hostess, whom looked like she had just had a rather large spiky object inserted into her behind, probably by someone whom was irritated by her unconvincing smile.

I was slightly aggrieved that I had to find my seat [3J] on my own accord and was not ushered. This 777 aircraft had the latest in American Airlines first class seat design according to my travel agent. I was suitably unimpressed when comparing this suite to my recent flights on SQ, BA, QF. There were used peanuts down the sides of the seat. Evidently the cleaners had overlooked the first class cabin. Jealously probably had something to do with it, and if I had my way they would be evicted from their cardboard box.

The service was relatively good, when I tried to tip them with my American Express Titanium Centurion card I was informed that they only took cash. As I only carry about $5,000 of small change in my Louis Vuitton Luggage, which was now stowed in the closet. I requested the airhostess to retrieve it for me [I had in mind to give her a fairly large tip] she declined, so I demanded her immediate resignation; as she she did not comply I reminded her that I indirectly pay her wages. I also told her I was on quite good terms with the VP of HR, which is to say I supply him with cashflow to comply with my requests. As a AAdvantage Executive Platinum member, it was clearly her taking AAdvantage of I.

Twice in the duration of the flight was work interrupted, by persons in the adjacent seats moving. I don’t mean only getting up to use the poorly kept lav, his constant squirming as though he could not get comfortable in his own skin. I offered joking to remove it for him. He swore at me, saying I was interrupting his “ Meditation”. I then snapped back that he was interrupting my work.

Later during the flight I snuck a glance at the manifest in the Galley, turns out this pax was a AA EXP member, like myself. I am totally disgusted at this, my one way fare was $6375.60 and I feel others in the cabin did not pay as much as I. This of course makes them less worthy to occupy the cabin.

Overall the flight was of poor quality excluding of course the beverages which I had my staff pack for me to consume.

I'm trying to decide if this is a serious post or not... :confused:

I am astounded by your doubt in I. We're both adults here and it would be simply childish to place an erroneous trip report upon these online boards. You are not a child are you?

I think its real

Luv...

When one's post count is less than the number of G&Ts one can consume predeparture if one knows how to game the system (a sligh grin, a knowing wink, and a tipping of the cup with the pinky extended seems to bring even the most disobedient Sky Hostess or Host into refreshingly subservient posture...I prefer the slight bow in deference rather than the bit-over-the-top dropping to the knees and scurrying off to the FC galley like a crab across hot sand), it can be assumed that one has not gleened from the many observant and opinionated surFFers on this hallowed website the insight that says one would never, ever pay for an international FC AA seat. Those are to be obtained only through operational upgrades on the lowliest of fares or as renumeration for services rendered to certain gate agents. Never underestimate the power that duty-free chocolate can have on those in a lower caste than us.

International travel is why God invented International Carriers...LH, SQ, PDQ, CX, FX...these are where they know a guest is a guest and a Sky Hostess or Host is but a vehicle by which to enjoy life at 35,000 feet. One who aspires to fly as though one has not left the ground should invest in a proper carrier and leave the dregs of air travel to the double-wide crowd. American Airlines livery of naked aluminum appearance is meant to draw a certain crowd who would no doubt think that a G&T is a procedure that one should only experience under light sedation after unprotected sex.

So, as one gains experience in the stratosphere of FFdom, do drop back by and share on'es delightful and coyingly seductive travel prose, but do leave international travel in FC on AA to those who only enjoy the thought of caviar and in-seat sponge baths rather than those who actually are willing to pay for it and know how to act when receiving them.

From one G&T fan to another although whilst traveling through this strange and wonderful continent called Atkins, one can only seem to secure a G&S, with lime, but of course.

An in-seat sponge bath? Sold! Heck, I'll even pay full fare for that! Just name the carrier. :D

Act101 I hate to agree with you but I must say that's an absolutely accurate description of AA and perhaps applies to all the others. Ciao Ciao !

Yes, the OP seems to be serious.
What a pathetic thing to say.

Actually, I think this is a very serious thing to say...pathetic, yes...but serious...La Dolce Vita can't last. It is a glimmer of a whim in the mind of a drug addict who thought the end could buy a pretty girl with a few Francos.

I've never flown AA in First before but this was a hilarious post nonetheless!

EXTREMELY! :D

was the nut you found warm? :D

Folks, once again I must stress here that the forum is designed to exchange anecdotes and perceptions about one's travel experience. It is not designed to exchange opinions about other users and their motivations for posting.

May I kindly request all participants on this thread (including the original poster) to constrain future comments to the subject of the American Airlines travel experience rather than any observations about each other's family pedigree, lack thereof or any other wise comments.

Thanks
Sean (B747-437B)
Moderator
Trip Reports

I hate to admit it, but you are an uneducated classless plebeian, evidentially your standards are lower than I had expected. Anyone whom would tolerate the inconceivable lack of service on any airline, seriously should think about resigning as a moderator.

YHBT. HAND.

I can't believe anyone would take the OP seriously. I'm especially scared that a moderator would take the OP seriously.

But what of the food in the lounge...surely you took photographs with your Canon NanoCam 10000 Mega Super Pixel SuperCam?

Was the smoked salmon from your usual supplier, or did you have to request a stopover in Scotland en route for the real thing?

Once again, a priceless post from act101, sadly wasted on the several people here for whom irony is what you do to a shirt before church on a Sunday, or prior to their parole board hearing.

I am pleased many of you do indeed see the humour, for which you act101 will now no doubt be lambasted in subsequent threads.

Post de jour :D^^^

I thought the best part was about the "$5000 in small change in the Louis Vuitton luggage" which makes me wonder, is $10000 adequate in money to be carried?

I personally am opposed to carrying that much cash...that is what my personal sherpa is for.

Moderators, if this thread is a real Trip Report, then this thread should be closed because NONE of the replies deal with AA First, including my own(!)
If it's intended to be hilarious, then it's not a real trip report, and this thread should be closed because it doesn't actually deal with AA First.
I'm taking my name off this thread's subscriber list, so I don't bother all of the wonderfully ironic people on this board anymore. Thanks!

Apology accepted.

I look forward to you posting about this interesting thread you speak of.

Poor people in cardboard boxes? Another Priceline rip-off, perhaps?

At least if the poor homeless individual lived near the gatehouse of one of act101's mansions he/she would be able to live in the exclusive comfort of large Vuitton luggage boxes, and perhaps even avail himself of the occassioanl amenity kit tossed carelessly from an upstairs window (assuming the under butler remembered to remove it from the aircraft, as he surely would have better things to do with hyis most valuable time.)

Louis Vuitton is so déclassé, so J. Lo. For true style, go for Goyard.

Sherpa are so passe'. These days, people of a certain world travel with a contingent of Aborigeni and Maori servants, trained in the English style. They're both very efficient, and bestow upon me a certain cache at parties in Monte Carlo.

How retro! I won't step outside my door without my Dayak posse. They're compact, but they pack a wallop with a blade.

How disappointing, I was looking forward to a nice trip review of AA's First Flagship suite as I am flying in it to Miami in three weeks time! I was looking forward to menus, pictures and everything! Oh well. :(

In terms of what has been written:

1. $5000 dollars in small change? What is your definition of small change, quarters or $20 bills? If it's quarters, I would be amazed if you carry $5000 dollars in quarters into the aircraft in the first place!

2. Why not give the people at Marquis jet a ring or even Netjets? I'm sure their aircraft are very clean, with attentive staff..... :rolleyes:

AA? You really should try the new WN transatlantic service. Belissimmo!

Can you say, s-a-r-c-a-s-m? ;)

Well, thank Heavens somebody said it, before I had to.

thanks for the laughs!

SYDboi- Many thanks for bumping this classic of a thread. I would otherwise have missed it.^

Come back act101 you are sadly gone but not forgotten.:D

I understand AA TATL F service is now pretty much the same as then, so it is a good reminder as to why it's been a couple years since I have had the opportunity to have the unique F TATL experience on AA. The description of the FA brought back memories that were all too realistic! :D


By the way, was the $6375.xx fare the sum total of what all other pax had paid?

I really really hope the OP comes back, I thoroughly enjoyed his/her TR and vow to never fly AA First again.

Neglected looking at the date on this to realize its age....but, still, just as funny! W/ no posts under that same handle since 05, the OP is either not likely coming back, or possibly never left FT & just assumed a diff. handle for this post and is still with us now, or took a diff. handle for this post when his/her "real" FT identity was suspended, expelled, etc.

Still a hilarious post equally hilarious after-post banter.

This is certainly a comedy!
Very witty and entertaining - seriously doubt that this is anything but fiction - all except the AA First experience part!

Quote of the week!