JohnnyColombia

OK let's see how this pans out, I am going to try and begin a trip report with photos, and I may even get around to finishing it too.

By means of a bit of background, this travel is completely superfluous woeful folly and absolutely unnecessary. I had a compensation voucher with AA that I was keen to use, I had been back to Europe 3 times this year and couldn't be bothered to go again. So let's call this my annual vacation, I decided that I would like to visit new corners of the USA that I had never seen before using MIA as my springboard.

It was a toss up between Portland/Seattle or San Francisco. Between the two of them I plumped for Honolulu. Mrs Colombia is comically barred from entering the USA, so it is a solo trip for me passing by some buddies in SoFlo.

All of my travel will be in coach class and is BOG MIA BOG with LA and MIA DFW HNL LAX MIA with AA

OK off to dig out some photos

JohnnyColombia

I love BOG! it is such a quick and simple airport, although they are currently building new BOG so I don't doubt that in 2014 BOG will be yet another shopping mall that planes happen to leave from.

Please bear with the point and squirt photos, promise I will unpack a decent camera in MIA

This is the current BOG, in all its grimy late 70's glory



And this is the new BOG that they are building out of castellated beams and crinkly white tin



Inside BOG



BOG, 40% information, 60% publicity



And this is what new BOG will look like, I actually got firmly castigated for taking this photo, Colombian police will make silly rules up on the fly just because they can. I presume it was a policeman that told me photography was banned, it could have been an adult learner that had escaped from a special needs institute and found a discarded police uniform



And this, for the sake of completeness, is where one takes one's authorised taxis at BOG

JohnnyColombia

LAN is for my money the nicest way to get to MIA from BOG so LAN it is!

Checked in with LAN and thus started the lengthy process of refunding my prepaid resident taxes on account of I wangled an exemption. Continental and others simply give you it back cash and send you on your way. LAN though like to draw out the process, it takes a good 30 minutes, holds up check in for everyone else and makes all the other passengers stare at you. 65,000 pesos later though, I am all checked in and on my way.

This is the Admiral's Club in BOG, yes it does look like a McDonalds doesn't it? Actually McDonalds internet and food is better than the crappy AC at BOG



I prebooked a window seat down the back of the plane but genuinely had visions of my having a whole row to myself as is normally the case on this flight. A LAN 180ş sideways economy flat bed with 3 seat back monitors. This wasn't to be the case, the departure gate was rammed full and I spotted old ladies seated in seat number XXX, Panicking I went to the gate agent and asked if I could apply an upgrade coupon, yes I could in theory, but the only remaining J seat was broken. Should have planned ahead shouldn't I?

Anyway we boarded our completely sold out flight and my seat companion was a Chinese girl with a snivelling head cold, her boyfriend was sat across the aisle from her and despite his proximity she was shouting at him with the sort of grating voice that could peel the enamel off of a vintage bucket. So before we even departed the gate, I had traded my window seat with her boyfriend.

I am not sure why her boyfriend was so grateful for my giving him my seat, I couldn't wait to distance myself from his girlfriend. On the plus side I traded up to new seat companions, a smokin' Italiana and a comical Colombian woman that was going to MIA to get married. We didn't get into details, I don't know if her fiance knew her previously or had bought her from a dating website.

Apart from a bumpy ride over Cuba it was an uneventful flight, sadly no pics of LAN economy cuisine but I was reluctant to snap my gnocchi and chocolate cake lest I look like one of those freaks that takes photos of airline food and posts it on the internet. We arrived on time at MIA.

JohnnyColombia

Arrival at MIA was as always when I arrive at terminal J, unusually speedy. I passed through immigration in little over 3 minutes, read that and weep IAH!

MIA had a nice surprise for me though, the new MIA mover to take me to the car rental 'center' (Inverted commas because I am British and it pains me to write the R and the E back to front)

So the shuttle is gone, also gone is the wondering what the shuttle looks like and where to catch it from, signage at MIA was awful the last time I went.

This is the glamorous lobby of the MIA mover



This is the showbiz entrance, walking through this I felt like I was on Stars In Their Eyes



And behold the new perfectly adequate signage tell you how to get to your vehicle rental



And the car rental center now without its shuttle buses

JohnnyColombia

Sixt is undeniably my new favourite car rental company. Last time I booked a rental at MIA i got vigorously lied to by a Thrifty agent that swore blind that I needed a SunPass to drive up the I-95. I didn't believe him and was right, still $1.25 to get off the 112 to the I-95

No hard upsell from Sixt, they have an incredibly cool orange office at MIA, they gave me a bottle of Zephyrhills water and upgraded my car to a Ford Fusion 3.0L V6. Extremely nice people to do business with. On a good deal too, great rate and 1500 Avianca Lifemiles for the rental

Sixt's office at MIA



My Ford Fusion upgrade, butt ugly but quick as snot, and definitely quicker than the Dodge Charger that I got from Thrifty last time.



Sixt Zephyrhills water. I always think that Zephyrhills looks like it should be a sexually transmitted disease. I got drunk and slept with Sonia and now the doctor says I have Zephyrhills

Love2Fly74

Sixt Zephyrhills water. I always think that Zephyrhills looks like it should be a sexually transmitted disease. I got drunk and slept with Sonia and now the doctor says I have Zephyrhills

OMG you had me in fits of laughter with this one!!!

N830MH

Wow!! Very nice photos TR!! Why the policeman were banned photography in BOG? I didn't understand why? What is situation going on down there? Are you will ever take a picture inside the aircraft. Next time if you asked FA permission to take a cabin shots before you boarding the aircraft.

JohnnyColombia

The policeman said that photography is prohibited presumably because he had a uniform and I had a camera and Colombia is a country where "security" is an obsession as is making up silly rules.

No cabin shots in this report, I figured FTers know what the inside of an airplane looks like. Some more pics of airports coming up though, and an American Airlines toilet.

Also no lounge pics, I am a smoker and prefer to smoke up to the wire than sit in the lounges.

JohnnyColombia

Being honest, if I didn't have friends in Palm Beach I would almost certainly not go there, I find it lacking in something, I cannot put my finger on it. Personality?

That said, living in Colombia, on my first day in the USA it is nice to acquaint myself with things that I have been missing, cutlery and toilet seats being high up on that list.

Oh and a full English breakfast with real bacon in a pub. Shame about the beans though.



Slightly boring and full of old people it may well be, but Palm Beach is also irresistibly photogenic, albeit empty too.



I am always bemused by chicken wings in this part of the world, they are always "famous" or "award winning" or "famous AND award winning." I actually once asked the manager of a bar if I could take a look at the award that his award winning chicken wings had won and he looked at me as if I had just raped his sister. Is it an unspoken truth that these chicken wing awards are imaginary marketing schmaltz? Or does South Florida really have a disproportionately high number of chicken wing awards, sufficient for at least every single chicken wing outlet to have won an award at some point? Perhaps there are as many chicken wing awards as there are chicken wing outlets.

Just an observation but here are some famous award winning chicken wings



Oh and not forgetting, lest I forget which country I am in, I can tickle my vexillological fancy with a proliferation of star spangled banners in Palm Beach.

N830MH

I didn't even know that. Why security is very strict rules? If you familiarization anything about photography is prohibited. You can't take a picture in BOG? You have wait to get there in MIA or DFW.

JohnnyColombia

Like I said that's just the way it is, I took numerous pics inside the building but was pulled up for taking a photo of a poster. Just an idiot cop with nobody else to annoy at the time.

blr1222

Great report! But where's the rest?

blackmamba

Thanks for sharing!